A New Creation

When my husband and I got together, we had to get used to each others' ways of doing things. We were both in our 40's with baggage from previous marriage and relationships. I had one way of doing things, and it seemed like the way I did things just didn't gel to his ways. As my husband explained to me, he was "set in his ways". This caused no end of friction and arguments in the beginning. It made me feel like a failure because it hit a nerve with me. I had come from one failed marriage and failed relationships. I had scars from verbal and psychological abuse. My husband was a "druggie" who also liked to drink....A LOT (however, I didn't find this out until AFTER we had had an argument and he disappeared for a few days with what little money we had in the bank). So, more stress was added to the relationship. But we knew we loved each other, so we'd get through this together. It wasn't easy. There were relapses and drunken nights. There were fights and secrets. This was not going to be an easy road, I thought to myself.

It took a lot of compromise, a lot of understanding and patience to make it work. There were still more fights. Still more secrets. I still felt like a failure. All the "I love you"s didn't mean a thing to either of us. It took another major drug relapse for things to change between us.

We had been together just over three years. My ex-husband had passed away and we now had my teenage daughter living with us, which caused even more stress. I had been debating on walking away. No amount of work and prayer were going to change this situation. He saw the rolling down hill of our relationship as well. But we kept trying. Just a few nights before he left, we were at bible study and somehow got on the topic of relationships and other things. My husband had admitted in front of everyone that he was a recovering drug addict, but with all the damage that was done to our relationship, he wouldn't risk ruining everything by going back to drugs and drinking. He promised.

I came home from work that Friday evening to an empty house. No husband, no daughter. Just my cat and my dog. I began getting that awful feeling in the pit of my stomach. I'd been down this road before. But I chose to think that maybe he was just out drinking with his buddy. Which just served to make me angry. I sat looking at the clock. The hours passed by. Still nothing. My daughter called and told me she was spending the night at a friends' house, but if I wanted, she would come home. I told her that it wasn't necessary. I didn't want her to be witness to yet another drunken argument.

The next day I started calling around. I tried everyone I could think of. I posted stuff on facebook, hoping that someone knew something. One of my sons' came down to stay with me. My step-daughter came to spend some time with me. We had a full house and yet I was a miserable wreck. My neighbor across the hall came over to listen to me cry and offer some motherly advice. She'd been down this same road with her ex-husband so she knew what I was going through all too well.

By the time I went back to work, I was an emotional wreck. I couldn't concentrate. It took all my energy just to make it through. I had vowed that when I got home I was going to the police station to file a missing persons' report. I knew he was out on a drug binge. But I started to become really scared. What about his asthma? What about his high blood pressure? What if he were dead somewhere from an overdose? My mind went into a whirlwind of negativity.

About mid-way during my day, he had messaged me on facebook. He was home. I was frantic! I wanted to leave right then. But I couldn't. I had written him a letter and left it on the coffee table in hopes he would finally come home and read it. I poured out my soul. When he messaged me, I asked him to please read the letter and to not move. I would be home in a few hours.

When I got home, I dropped everything in front of the door and just threw my arms around him. We were both in tears. I was so afraid. I was so disappointed. I don't remember much from that night. I know at some point my daughter came home. I remember one of her pastors' coming over because they felt she was in danger. He talked a few minutes with my husband, and then left. I don't remember if my daughter went with him or not.

I told my husband that the only way I would let him stay is if he went to drug rehab. I promised I would support him every step of the way. The next day we went down to outpatient rehab center together. As I sat listening as the counsellor interviewed him, I got shaky and that fear went right into the pit of my stomach. I didn't want to hear what he had done. I didn't want to know. But it was important that I did so I could understand the extent of his addiction and what triggered this latest relapse. We went through the whole process together. Even my husbands' father was extremely supportive. And I believe that between prayer, support from family and friends, and a lot of deal making with God turned it all around.

Today, my husband has been clean for 14 months. He no longer drinks to get drunk. My trust still isn't all there, but he makes sure to reassure me whenever I run into panic mode. He understands. I think it took that horror to reaffirm our relationship. I knew that I loved him with all my being. I knew I still wanted to spend my life with him. He worked hard to change. He's still working hard to change. But we're in a better place now. Things are still tough. Money is tight. Now we have two of my children living with us and we are grandparents. My husband loves being a grandpa. We love spending time together and with  the whole family.

The point to this story is this.... no relationship is perfect. It takes a lot of work to overcome what seems like insurmountable obstacles. It takes love and commitment. It also takes change. It's not good enough if it's one person changing while the other one doesn't. AND... you need to leave it with God. He comforts the sorrows and hurts. He restores hope and love. He guides and supports.

When I set out writing this I was going to talk about our differences in habits, home life, etc. How the little things drove us up a wall. About all the petty arguments and disagreements. The whole shebang. But God stepped in and told me to write about this..a painful memory that brought about growth and change and love.

Our relationship with God is much like this. We can run. We can forget. We can turn our backs. But God is right there, waiting for us to come back to Him. He waits patiently like I waited for my husband to come home. He helped us mend and heal and grow.

When we become new believers, we have to change our old ways. As my husband likes to say "If you keep doing what you're doing, you'll keep get what you get" In other words, if we keep living in the past, if we keep doing the same things, we're still going to get the same result. A life away from Christ. An emptiness that we seek to fill with damaged relationships, drugs, alcohol. You have to be willing to change. You have to allow God to lead you into this new life. As we do this, we'll see a change. A better, more fulfilling life. A path to the future. Hope.

We are reminded of this change in our lives and ways in 2 Corinthians 5:17: "This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!" (nlt). We've changed. We're not our old self with the same old ways that just got us further and further from God. He has given us a new beginning. He gives us a clean slate in which to write our new history. It doesn't mean we've forgotten the lessons we learned as our old selves. We use those lessons on which to build our new selves.

If any of you are on this path to destruction, I urge you to seek help. Seek change. Seek hope. It's not an easy process. You have to be WILLING to want to change or else it will never work. And families, if you have this kind of person in your lives, I can tell you that they will need all the support and love from all of you to get it together. Don't keep reminding them of the wrong they did. Encourage them in this path. As painful as it can be, it will be worth it. And they will succeed and thrive. 

I pray for all of you. 
God Bless.
Linda.

Rejected or Approved

"Remember: rejection from man doesn't mean rejection from God. He loves us unconditionally.” - Lysa TerKeurst

I was just thinking about this last night. I was telling my husband how I was reworking my blog and read him my first entry. I was so proud of myself. I wanted him to see that I've been paying attention and that I'm learning. But, as usual, it sparked a disagreement over my daughter. This had nothing to do with that. I wanted him to SEE that I'm trying to change myself. But, alas, it blew up in my face.

I sat there fuming, until I realized that wasn't getting me anywhere. Why was I so dependent on what he thought of my accomplishments? Yes, he's my husband. Yes, I value his opinion. But I'm putting the wrong emphasis on whose approval I am seeking. What SHOULD matter is that what I'm doing meets with the approval of Jesus Christ. Am I doing this for MY own glory or am I doing this for His glory?

So much of who we are seems to be rooted in what others think of us. It leads to such destruction and frustration. We forget who our Great Designer is. He made each and every one of us unique with all our own qualities. When we seek others opinion of us, we are, in essence, saying that perhaps God did something wrong with us. We don't meet the approval of others. There's something missing. God doesn't make mistakes. As my husband says "God don't like ugly". Which is why He sees each and every one of us as beautiful, unique creations.

If you have children,  you know that feeling that when your children were born how you looked at them and thought "wow, I created this!" That's how God looks at us! He made us! What a miraculous thing He did!

Try to remember that when you compare yourself with others, it is only going to lead to frustration and dissatisfaction. Remember that the only One you need to please is God. Think about the things you do and ask yourself, would this meet with God's approval? Am I doing this for God's glory or my own? If you are doing things for His approval then you will always be on the right track. Let your life and works glorify our Great Creator. At the end of the day don't forget to thank the Lord for who you are and for creating you. You are fearfully and wonderfully made.

God Bless.
Linda

Spy Wednesday

April 16, 2014  by David Mathis    Topics:  The Life of Christ

 

http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/spy-wednesday 

 

Wednesday went quietly. Too quietly.

With the previous three days awash in drama — Sunday’s triumphal entry, Monday’s temple cleansing, and Tuesday’s temple controversies — now Wednesday, April 1, A.D. 33, comes like the calm before the storm.

But out of sight, lurking in the shadows, evil is afoot. The church has long called it “Spy Wednesday,” as the dark conspiracy against Jesus races forward, not just from enemies outside, but now with a traitor from within. It is this day when the key pieces come together in the plot for the greatest sin in all of history, the murder of the Son of God.
 

 The Plot Thickens 

 Jesus wakes again just outside Jerusalem, in Bethany, where he has been staying at the home of Mary, Martha, and Lazarus. His teaching again attracts a crowd in the temple. But now the Jewish leaders, silenced by Jesus the day before, will leave him be. Today they will avoid public confrontation and instead connive in private.

Caiaphas, the high priest, gathers to his private residence the chief priests and Pharisees — two competing groups, typically at odds, now bedfellows in their ache to be rid of the Galilean. They scheme to kill him, but don’t have all the pieces in place yet. They fear the approving masses, and don’t want to stir up the assembled hoards during Passover. The initial plan is to wait till after the feast, unless some unforeseen opportunity emerges.

Enter the traitor.

The Miser and His Money 

The Gospel accounts point to the same precipitating event: the anointing at Bethany.

Jesus was approached by a woman — we learn from John 12:3 that it was Mary, the sister of Martha. She took “very expensive ointment” and anointed Jesus. An objection comes from the disciples — John 12:4 says it was Judas — “Why was this ointment not sold for three hundred denarii and given to the poor?” This was, after all, “a very large sum,” more than a year’s wages for a soldier or common laborer. It would have been enough money to finance a family for more than a year, and could have gone a long way for charity.

But Jesus doesn’t share Judas’s miserliness. Here he finds extravagance in its rightful place. The kingdom he brings resists mere utilitarian economics. He sees in Mary’s “waste” a worshiping impulse that goes beyond the rational, calculated, efficient use of time and money. For Mary, Jesus is worth every cent and more. The Anointed himself says what she has done is “a beautiful thing” (Matthew 26:10).

Judas, on the other hand, is not so convinced. And contrary to appearances, the miser’s protest betrays a heart of greed. Judas’s concern comes “not because he cared about the poor, but because he was a thief, and having charge of the moneybag he used to help himself to what was put into it” (John 12:6). The traitor had long been on a trajectory of sin and hard-heartedness, but the last straw is this extravagant anointing.

Satan finds a foothold in this heart in love with money, and what wickedness follows. Incensed about this “waste” of a year’s wages, he goes to the chief priests and becomes just the window of opportunity the conspirators are looking for. The spy will lead them to Jesus at the opportune time when the crowds have dispersed. And the greedy miser will do it for only thirty pieces of silver, which Exodus 21:32 establishes as the price of the life of a slave.

Why the Insult of Betrayal?

Why would God have it go down like this? If Jesus truly is being “delivered up according to the definite plan and foreknowledge of God” (Acts 2:23), and his enemies are doing just as God’s hand and plan “had predestined to take place” (Acts 4:28), why design it like this, with one of his own disciples betraying him? Why add the insult of betrayal to the injury of the cross?

We find a clue when Jesus quotes Psalm 41:9 in forecasting Judas’s defection: “He who ate my bread has lifted his heel against me” (John 13:18). King David knew the pain not just of being conspired against by his enemies, but betrayed by his friend. So now the Son of David walks the same path in his agony. Here Judas turns on him. Soon Peter will deny him, and then the remaining ten will scatter.
From the beginning of his public ministry, the disciples have been at his side. They have learned from him, traveled with him, ministered with him, been his earthly companions, and comforted him as he walked this otherwise lonely road to Jerusalem.

But now, as Jesus’s hour comes, this burden he must bear alone. The definitive work will be no team effort. The Anointed must go forward unaccompanied, as even his friends betray him, deny him, and disperse. As Donald Macleod observes, “Had the redemption of the world depended on the diligence of the disciples (or even their staying awake) it would never have been accomplished” (The Person of Christ, 173).

As he lifts “loud cries and tears” (Hebrews 5:7) in the garden, the heartbreak of David is added to his near emotional breakdown: “Even my close friend in whom I trusted, who ate my bread, has lifted his heel against me” (Psalm 41:9). He is forsaken by his closest earthly associates, one of them even becoming a spy against him. But even this is not the bottom of his anguish. The depth comes in the cry of dereliction, “My God! My God! Why have you forsaken me?” (Matthew 27:46).

But more remarkable than this depth of forsakenness is the height of love he will show. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends, even when they have forsaken him.

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This is the fourth post in Desiring God’s 2014 Holy Week series “The Final Days of Jesus,” inspired by the new book of the same title by Justin Taylor and Andreas Kostenberger. Holy Week illustrations provided in partnership with Crossway Books and Adam Greene. Previously in the series:

• The Problem of Palm Sunday
• No Turning Back (Monday of Holy Week)
• The Escalating Conflict (Tuesday)
• The Greatest Prayer in the World (Maundy Thursday)

David Mathis (@davidcmathis) is executive editor at desiringGod.org and an elder at Bethlehem Baptist Church, Minneapolis. He has edited several books, including Thinking. Loving. Doing., Finish the Mission, and Acting the Miracle, and is co-author of How to Stay Christian in Seminary.