Sometimes, though, life throws us a curve ball when we are least expecting it. It is through those times that our faith in God is tested. You start to wonder. Where is God in this whole mess? Why is He letting this happen? Let me tell you, friends, when you go through enough trials you really do start to wonder.
I began reading the Book of Job not long ago. I read it because I feel like I am Job. Trials upon trials are being heaped upon me. Sometimes I just want to sit and cry because I am so tired of the constant struggle. I am the only one working in our household. The housework is my sole responsibility. We also have my 18 year old daughter living with us. AND her survivor benefits will be running out soon (that's what helps us pay the rent). My husband doesn't seem too eager to find work even though he's been presented with multiple leads. He seems fine with me working and him staying home. I would be ok with that if I were making better money and if he took care of the housework. He does all the cooking and the grocery shopping as well as handling all the bills. So it's not like he doesn't do anything. But being the sole wage earner and knowing that once my daughters' benefits run out we won't have enough money to live on is stressful. Add to that I work for a physician who makes my life a living hell every day... And knowing that my husband really doesn't want to go to work... Ok, God. I get it. I'm being tested! But enough is enough already. I feel like I'm drowning.
My pastor decided he wanted to do a sermon series on Job. So we've been meeting up as time allows as a sort of therapy for me, to open me up to new ideas and an ability to learn. I began reading Job because in the season of my life I feel like Job. I've asked God over and over "Haven't I been through enough already Lord?" Apparently God feels as if I can handle all that I have been given. It has surely been a lesson in patience, in hope, and in faith. It is a humbling experience, to say the least.
Job kept asking God why He was doing this to him? Why was He continuing to persecute him? As far as he knew he hadn't done anything wrong. Wasn't it enough already that he lost all of his children, all of his livestock, and his health? Add to that his 3 friends who more or less kept telling him that he must have done SOMETHING wrong to deserve this punishment. If he would just repent then God would restore all that was taken. Throughout the whole story Job maintained his innocence. He stood his ground. If that were me, I would be like "Ok God, whatever it is I have done, I am sorry." Job could've done that. But he didn't.
Yup. So that's me. That's where I am at today. Enough is enough already Lord. I give up! You've had Your fun. Now I surrender.
And therein lies the key word....I SURRENDER. I acknowledge that I can neither fix this nor change it. God is the only one who can. I need to stop trying to do it my way and realize that my way isn't working. I found this interesting quote from a sermon that I found online "God will test you in order to purify you. God works in our lives to refine us and to strengthen us. God does not test us to BREAK us but to MAKE us; He refines not to DESTROY us but to DEVELOP us. Faith in Jesus does not cause difficulty to disappear. Your problems will not evaporate when you trust Jesus...God puts His people into the furnace of affliction to bring us to submission." There lies the answer. We have our faith tested for a reason. God wants us to remember to rely on Him. He makes us submit to His will. Remember the line in the Lord's Prayer "Thy WILL be done..." His will. Not ours. His.
Sometimes, I wish it didn't have to be so hard. Everything always seems to be a struggle, and an uphill one at that. But those are the times that bring us to our knees. Those are the times when we need to look UP.
As Christian wives, we seem to have an even greater burden. We are the backbone of our families. We are the glue that holds it all together. As the old saying goes "Behind every great man there is a woman." That's no lie. We are the constant support, the quiet force, the ones who help our husbands to shine. (although I doubt any man would admit to this!) It is said all throughout the bible that woman was made to help man. 'Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”' (Genesis 2:18) I think I shall put this one on our refrigerator: "He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord." (Proverbs 18:22)
I know that I am the one whose had to pick up the pieces of someone elses' mess. I'm the one who is slowly gluing them back into place. It is a tiring and tedious process. One I wish I didn't have to bear. But God put me here for a reason. I have to trust in that. I pray every night for the strength to keep going. I ask God to keep me on the path that He has set before me and to walk with me. I know at some point I will look back and think of how far I have come and what I have survived and I know I will be a better, stronger person because of it.
One of these days things WILL get better. Life won't always be this hard. (Repeat over and over till it sinks in! lol) While I am struggling through this season of my life I will thank God for the strength to keep going. To be thankful for the many blessings He has given me. And to know that He is changing me so that I will become the woman He imagined me to be.
Blessings and Love.
Linda
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