Not My Usual

I guess you can guess by the picture that this is going to be a different kind of post. Well I'm going to warn you right now, dear reader, that this is not one of my encouraging, pray to God kind of post. Nope. Not this time. I don't pretend to be some perfect kind of Christian wife. I don't just sit here with a smile on my face saying "Give it to God". I am me. I am subject to random mood changes, I get bitchy and irritable. I suffer from depression and anxiety, which often influences my perception of my life. And at this point, it's about my only outlook on life at the moment.
So, ready or not, here it goes.....

I’m about to explode. I need to find a therapist before I loose what is left of my mind or I do or say something I’m gonna regret. So here’s the long and short of it. Don’t answer the door because Rent-A-Center wants to come take the sofa. Don’t answer the door because the utility company wants to shut us off. We don’t have the money for this months’ rent. Car ins is due on the 14^th or else the policy cancels. $134/mo is supposedly the lowest plan hubby could get for cable/internet. He owes everyone he’s borrowed money from to get us through the week. BUT, on the bright side, the van is fixed so he won’t have to take the bus to work! (He’s too good for that.) So if we don’t have a place to live we don’t need the sofa or the cable. We just can’t drive the van passed the 14^th, but hey, he can probably park it at work and we’ll live there.

Hubby and daughter are like oil and water. For the most part he's ok with her, but there's always some kind of complaint and it lands on my daughter. He’s always saying she doesn’t pay rent. Why should she? She wasn’t here a whole lot. Plus she pays for all her stuff. Now she is here more because her boyfriend broke up with her. But she works sometimes 10 days straight before she gets a day off. And a lot of times she’ll go out with her friends at night. The only irritating thing is she has money to buy clothes, make up, get her nails done, get her hair colored. I can’t even buy a friggen bra that’s not from the dollar store. Granted, she takes 3 buses each way to work without complaint. She’ll give hubby $10 for gas to pick her up from work on a Sunday (it was $10/trip).

I've always busted my ass working. I never complained when hubby didn’t work. I just did the best I could do. To hell with my mental health. To hell with the fact that I would have an anxiety meltdown at least once a week. It didn't matter that my boss was a bitch who lived to make my life a living hell. We needed the money. Too bad I had to take 2 buses to work every morning. Suck it up and do what you have to. When we lived in our first apartment a few towns from here, I was taking 2 buses each way to work. I would have to walk a mile or so from the bus stop to our apartment, at least until they changed the bus routes and I could catch the bus in front of our apartment. I never have money just for me. My wallet wouldn’t know what money is.

Hubby was out yesterday all day trying to finish working on the van (he hit an animal last weekend that seriously messed up the cooling system in the van.) So, he comes home and rather than hi I missed you. Or oh it’s good to be home or whatever the hell… I get “Oh you really DIDN’T do anything today, did you?” How many times have I had to tip toe around him in the morning because he can be a real bastard in the mornings. How many times have I just sat quietly so I wouldn’t bug him? How many Fridays have I sat here waiting for dinner because he had to have a “few beers”, because after all he worked his ass off all week standing on his feet in a hot warehouse so he deserves it. Fortunately, he doesn’t really get drunk. He’s been drinking for so long that beer doesn’t really get to him (except when he gets passed 8 or 9, then he gets mouthy and usually directs it at me). We don’t eat dinner till 7 or later most nights so he can “relax and a have a few beers” before making dinner. (This has only started since he went back to work. He hasn’t done this in a very long time.)

Our one luxury is ordering out on Friday nights (because by then there’s no food in the house and he doesn’t want to have to cook). We'll sit here together on a Friday night and drink. He'll go through a 6-pack while I indulge in alcohol. I don't always drink. But sometimes I will. And by the time he orders the food when I do drink, I'll be just too damn drunk to eat. By the time the food gets here, I’m already passed out in bed. Oh, and you know what he got me for my birthday? Booze. 1 small bottle of Raspberry Vodka, 2 shot bottles of raspberry vodka and a shot bottle of Fireball (a hot cinnamon whiskey).

I am covered head to toe with bites, blisters, scabs and scars because we somehow got bedbugs, I don’t even like leaving the house because I look like some leper. My hands and arms are the worst. But since they’ve run out of real estate there, they’ve decided that my back and my legs are just as tasty. I must have over 100 bites/scabs all over. We can’t afford an exterminator. He wants to wait till my tax money comes in Feb. But I don’t think I’m going to get a whole lot because I can’t claim my daughter anymore on my taxes (when I did for 2015 she wound up owing on her taxes because I claimed her as a dependent). Which then means I can’t claim head of household. I have to claim as single. And so far, I’ve only worked 6 months out of this year (and oh yeah, my former boss already sent me my 2016 W-2).

You’d think that by now I’d have become much smarter, stronger and independent. Most of life’s trials show us that we can survive and even grow from it all. But, then you get to a point where there is no end to the struggle. It breaks you down and leaves you hopeless. And that's where I am at this point. My anxiety was so bad when I was working, so at least that has gotten somewhat better with being home. But I have to deal with the damn depression in exchange. My unemployment has gotten hung up, so I've been out of work since May 27 and have yet to receive a single unemployment payment, which hopefully will be the week.

I won't stop praying. There's precious little I have left to hold on to. My faith is the only thing holding me up. I know, at some point, God will answer. I just have to hold on and wait. It's all in His time, not ours. 

Thank you for taking the time to listen to this rant and hopefully understand that life CAN bring you down. I know sometimes it's all in your outlook. We all have our own coping mechanisms. Learn, grow, keep your faith. And hold on.....

Be Blessed.

Faith, Love and Submission

Good morning dear readers. I know I've written a few entries on submission, but I feel this is one of those topics that really needs to be covered. We have heard so much, both negative and positive, recently that this has become a real "hot-button" issue. I could write on this topic for days at a time. It is such a controversial topic (and anyone who knows me knows I love to get up on my soap box and argue a point!). 

I've read many well-written articles on this topic and I would like to share them here with you. I hope that after reading these, it will give you something to think about.

Here's one where just the title could spark an argument! http://www.rosilindjukic.com/2013/08/submissive-obedience.html

This post gives some insight into common myths and asks some good questions. http://www.girlsgonewise.com/7-misconceptions-about-submission/

This one is from one of my favorite magazines. It gives clear, concise information on the topic.
http://www.todayschristianwoman.com/articles/2008/september/whats-so-scary-about-submission.html

Here is my response to Rosilind Jukic's article:
"A very thought provoking blog entry. As women,we reject the notion of submission. Somehow we feel it equals doormat, "giving in", weak-willed, and any other negative connotation of that word. Yes, women fought for freedom. But how far have we taken that freedom? "I can do anything you can do, and do it better" has become the catch phrase for women. I believe this is part of the reason why our society has become so messed up. We have completely lost sight of home, family and faith. Today's women are focused on career, material possessions and looking younger. We have totally negated the role of men in our society. We have relegated them to where women were 30+ years ago. We have taken away their authority and their role as provider and protector. We need to get back to our core values. We need to redefine the roles in our society. 

It's great that women are strong and that we are empowered to do whatever we set our minds to. This is not always a bad thing. When it turns into a bad thing is when we use it to usurp men's authority over us. It's funny how you described how men are viewed today. I heard that exact same description yesterday on the radio (I listen to a Christian station..K-Love). I believe there is a new ad on tv I believe that mentions what you described and they were talking about it yesterday.

Men, in general, are being given a bad rap. Not ALL men are beer guzzling, "whipped", pot-bellied do-nothings. Just like women aren't weak, dumb, no-nothings. Or on the other end of the spectrum, men view strong women as "dykes" or someone to be afraid of. How many times have we heard men jokingly say "Don't tell my wife..." Men shouldn't be afraid of their wives, or afraid of their reactions to things (unless they really are doing something wrong/sinful/not of God).

There's nothing inherently wrong with being a strong woman. It takes a strong woman to submit herself to God and her husband. That takes strength and courage. It forces us to step out of the "norm" and go against the grain. Not an easy thing to do in this society. I don't know how many ladies I've talked to about this topic and basically got the same response. "I don't know why you want to be told what to do." or "I would NEVER submit myself to a man." or "Well, if you like that sort of thing..." Some people will even believe that it is abusive.

Yes, there can be a point when something like that CAN be abusive. Especially if the man isn't being led by God. There are men who will take advantage of a woman who is submissive. They feel they can do whatever they want without any say so from their wife. There is such a fine line that can be easily crossed. Especially if God is not at the center of the relationship.

I hope women today will take heart. I'm hoping more and more women will be like us and want to serve their husbands as they serve the Lord. I really am happy to see more and more Christian women following this." 

The one thing you really need to keep in mind with all of this is..Is your husband submitting to God? Is he capable of leading your family in a Christian way? Do you and/or your husband have a preconceived notion about what submission is (secular vs Christian)? What is your relationship with Christ? What is your marriage, at this point, like?

As I mentioned previously, there can be such a fine line between biblical submission and abuse. That's why I asked about the preconceived notions. A lot of what we have heard on this topic lately seems to be the negative, secular connotation thanks in part to books like "50 Shades of Gray". It gives the impression that we are to be used, abused, and just "go with the flow", that our thoughts and feelings really don't matter a whit.

But then there are women like Candace Cameron Bure who have stepped into mainstream media and admitted that she has chosen to submit to her husband as it is written in the bible. When I googled "Candace Cameron Bure and biblical submission" oh my.... almost every article I came across was totally against what she was trying to say. Almost every article says she's wrong, she's reading it in the literal sense and not in 21st century interpretation, so on and so forth. This is what women today who chose this are subjected to. IMHO, I find this demeaning both as a woman and as a Christian. It makes it seem like we live in some fantasy world and are so weak-willed that we give in to our "manly" husbands who just make decisions arbitrarily and tell us we are to follow. End of story. Oh, humble readers, how wrong that is. Matthew 5:10-12 tells us we are blessed when we are persecuted:
"Blessed are those who have been persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when people insult you and persecute you, and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of Me. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward in heaven is great; for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you."

Here is a quote from blogger Sarah Bessey. This pretty much sums up the secular worlds' opinion:
"The idea that a Man is the Head of the Home has its roots in secular ancient culture, not in the Word of God or the created order of humanity. And the idea that, as a wife, I would need to “become passive” or smaller or somehow less in order to make my marriage work is damaging and wrong." (http://sarahbessey.com/disagree-bure-biblical-marriage/)

We are to make ourselves smaller or less, that we are to "become passive"? Where exactly does it say that in the bible? I found Matthew Henry's Commentary on this topic. The page goes through all of Ephesians 5, but it's worth a look: http://biblehub.com/commentaries/mhc/ephesians/5.htm

Biblehub also gave me a listing of all the passages in the bible that refer to women being submissive:
Esther 1:20; Esther 1:22; Colossians 3:18; Titus 2:5 (this passage gives a good definition of being meek); 1 Peter 3:1; Ephesians 5:22 NIV. Jamieson-Fausset-Brown Bible Commentary gives a great description of submission and what it means. I'm sure if you set about thumbing through your bible you will find even more passages on this topic. 

I will leave you, dear readers, with this final link. This goes down to the nitty-gritty, biblical, grammatical derivation of the word submission and it's interpretation. 
http://coveringandauthority.com/covering-and-apostolic-authority/difficult-questions-about-covering-and-authority/biblical-submission/

I hope I have given you some more insight into this topic. I hope you will take it to heart. Pray about it. Seek scripture about it. Let the Lord lead you to wherever it is He wants you to go.

Much Love and God Bless.

Submission God's Way

I swear, sometimes God's timing comes at the worst times. As I'm driving home, I get a sort of revelation. And this always happens. When I don't have the time to write about it. Well, I'm going to make the time because this is important. And God is prompting me to tell the WHOLE story. Not just pieces.

Let me give you some background so you can better understand where I am coming from. Many years ago, before I met my husband, I was involved with a gentleman who introduced me to a whole different lifestyle. One of Dominance and submission. I was learning about becoming a submissive and all it entailed. At that time, I felt like I had found a part of me that was missing. I am a natural born people-pleaser. I want people to like me. I want to always help. When I was a stay-at-home mom, I was pretty happy. I was doing the "mom thing" and taking care of everything. I wanted my home to be like Martha Stewart! 

So this was not a huge stretch for me. The only drawback was that he lived in New Jersey and I lived in upstate NY. He wouldn't travel to come see me. And I couldn't go down there. (I was married to my first husband at the time and neither of us were faithful to the other at that point. Yes, I know that 2 wrongs don't make a right. By that time our marriage had completely broken down.)

It takes A LOT of discipline to do something like that. We made it work for over two years through text messages and phone calls. At that point in my life, it worked for me and it worked for him. You don't have someone watching you, making sure you're doing everything you are asked to do. You are being held on your honor that you are doing what you are supposed to, that you are living within the rules that your master has set about for you. I thrived with that kind of relationship. I didn't have to think, plan, manage. Nothing. Just to obey and be good. (And if you know me, you know that for me that could be difficult at times!!)

How I had longed to be like the others who were "owned", those who were "slaves" with loving masters. I wanted to work hard so I would earn my "collar". When it all fell apart, so did I. There went my dream of being an owned and collared slave. 

However, after I met my second husband I had to choose...him or the lifestyle. How do you give up part of yourself? But here was this man who was REAL. He was with me night and day. He loved me. Obviously, in the end, I chose my husband. Looking back on that relationship, I believe that God used it as a lesson.

I asked my husband to at least TRY to learn to be a Dominant. He had the personality of one. He had all the traits I was looking for in a new master. So we tried a few times with Dominant/submissive thing, but it always ended in disaster. It ended with me being unhappy and feeling taken advantage of. What were we doing wrong?

We weren't doing anything wrong, it's just not what God had intended. At least not in that form. The bible clearly states that the woman is to be submissive to her husband. (Ephesians 5:22; Colossians 3:18; 1 Peter 3:1-22; and many others.) Aha! There was the answer! It only took me 3 long years of trial and error, of failing miserably, to finally understand what it was that God intended for me to do.

He indeed wanted me to be submissive. But to my husband. In the biblical sense. Oh boy. After all the things my husband and I had been through, I would have to trust him enough to lead me. And trust in the fact that he was being led by God. I'm not big on trust. I've been burned too many times before. It takes a HUGE leap of faith (yes, faith!) to trust someone. When we believe in God, in Jesus and the Holy Spirit, are we not called to trust? It is called faith for a reason. But it's easy to trust God. Not so with people.

Ok, so we're not quite there yet. We are still a work in progress. But it's God's work. He is slowly changing both of us to be His. And that is what's so amazing. Here I was wanting to be owned and loved and wanted and I didn't even realize that I already was all of that and more!

I am owned and loved by the Supreme Master. The Utmost Sir. Jesus Christ. I have been bought and paid for through the blood of Jesus. When He hung on that cross, all had been forgiven. He paid the ultimate price for me. Wow. What a revelation!

My husband and I are in different seasons of our walk of faith. And that's ok. The bible also says that the wife will lead by example. "Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives." (1 Peter 3:1) 

I still have my rules that I must follow. They're in this big book that I take with me. It's called The Bible. There I can find any answer, any rule, any guidance that I may need. With Jesus as my Master, I can't go wrong. He won't lead me into where I don't belong.

Yeah..where I don't belong... Satan tried that on me. He made sure he poked me and prodded me. "See what you are missing?" "See..this is what you wanted..." "You can't be happy unless you have this life." He spent the whole weekend doing that. 

Ohhh.... I am so mad! I'm mad at myself for falling into that trap. The devil always will attack at our weakest points. I've been so stressed out about all our problems that I LET myself be dragged into those thoughts. Going to work today, it got me away from those thoughts. I got back into the swing of things. I did all my devotionals, I read, I prayed. And Jesus rewarded me with this revelation. "See, My child, I have given you all you wanted and more. There are so many other ways to serve. But first you need to learn to serve Me." I can not be submissive to my husband without first submitting to Christ. He will lead me and train me to serve Him. Only then will He permit me to learn to serve my husband. 

And with that, my husband is calling...dinner is done. (He likes to do all the cooking.) So, my friends, I will leave you with this. A little slice of who I once was and who I am becoming. 

Much Love & God Bless.

Trial By Fire

Life is never easy. There are going to ups and downs, trials and tribulations. Benjamin Franklin summed it up in one short phrase "The only sure things we have in this life are death and taxes." However, Mr. Franklin, I beg to differ. The only sure things we have IN THIS WORLD may be death and taxes, but GOD promises us so much more. He assures us a place in heaven. He assures us that His love will never falter or change. He will always be the one constant in our lives. This He promises us!

Sometimes, though, life throws us a curve ball when we are least expecting it. It is through those times that our faith in God is tested. You start to wonder. Where is God in this whole mess? Why is He letting this happen? Let me tell you, friends, when you go through enough trials you really do start to wonder.

I began reading the Book of Job not long ago. I read it because I feel like I am Job. Trials upon trials are being heaped upon me. Sometimes I just want to sit and cry because I am so tired of the constant struggle. I am the only one working in our household. The housework is my sole responsibility. We also have my 18 year old daughter living with us. AND her survivor benefits will be running out soon (that's what helps us pay the rent). My husband doesn't seem too eager to find work even though he's been presented with multiple leads. He seems fine with me working and him staying home. I would be ok with that if I were making better money and if he took care of the housework. He does all the cooking and the grocery shopping as well as handling all the bills. So it's not like he doesn't do anything. But being the sole wage earner and knowing that once my daughters' benefits run out we won't have enough money to live on is stressful. Add to that I work for a physician who makes my life a living hell every day... And knowing that my husband really doesn't want to go to work... Ok, God. I get it. I'm being tested! But enough is enough already. I feel like I'm drowning.

My pastor decided he wanted to do a sermon series on Job. So we've been meeting up as time allows as a sort of therapy for me, to open me up to new ideas and an ability to learn. I began reading Job because in the season of my life I feel like Job. I've asked God over and over "Haven't I been through enough already Lord?" Apparently God feels as if I can handle all that I have been given. It has surely been a lesson in patience, in hope, and in faith. It is a humbling experience, to say the least.

Job kept asking God why He was doing this to him? Why was He continuing to persecute him? As far as he knew he hadn't done anything wrong. Wasn't it enough already that he lost all of his children, all of his livestock, and his health? Add to that his 3 friends who more or less kept telling him that he must have done SOMETHING wrong to deserve this punishment. If he would just repent then God would restore all that was taken. Throughout the whole story Job maintained his innocence. He stood his ground. If that were me, I would be like "Ok God, whatever it is I have done, I am sorry." Job could've done that. But he didn't.

Yup. So that's me. That's where I am at today. Enough is enough already Lord. I give up! You've had Your fun. Now I surrender.

And therein lies the key word....I SURRENDER. I acknowledge that I can neither fix this nor change it. God is the only one who can. I need to stop trying to do it my way and realize that my way isn't working. I found this interesting quote from a sermon that I found online "God will test you in order to purify you. God works in our lives to refine us and to strengthen us. God does not test us to BREAK us but to MAKE us; He refines not to DESTROY us but to DEVELOP us. Faith in Jesus does not cause difficulty to disappear. Your problems will not evaporate when you trust Jesus...God puts His people into the furnace of affliction to bring us to submission." There lies the answer. We have our faith tested for a reason. God wants us to remember to rely on Him. He makes us submit to His will. Remember the line in the Lord's Prayer "Thy WILL be done..." His will. Not ours. His. 

Sometimes, I wish it didn't have to be so hard. Everything always seems to be a struggle, and an uphill one at that. But those are the times that bring us to our knees. Those are the times when we need to look UP. 

As Christian wives, we seem to have an even greater burden. We are the backbone of our families. We are the glue that holds it all together. As the old saying goes "Behind every great man there is a woman." That's no lie. We are the constant support, the quiet force, the ones who help our husbands to shine. (although I doubt any man would admit to this!) It is said all throughout the bible that woman was made to help man. 'Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”' (Genesis 2:18) I think I shall put this one on our refrigerator: "He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord." (Proverbs 18:22) 

I know that I am the one whose had to pick up the pieces of someone elses' mess. I'm the one who is slowly gluing them back into place. It is a tiring and tedious process. One I wish I didn't have to bear. But God put me here for a reason. I have to trust in that. I pray every night for the strength to keep going. I ask God to keep me on the path that He has set before me and to walk with me. I know at some point I will look back and think of how far I have come and what I have survived and I know I will be a better, stronger person because of it. 

One of these days things WILL get better. Life won't always be this hard. (Repeat over and over till it sinks in! lol) While I am struggling through this season of my life I will thank God for the strength to keep going. To be thankful for the many blessings He has given me. And to know that He is changing me so that I will become the woman He imagined me to be. 

Blessings and Love.
Linda

What Is A Proverbs 31 Woman?

I just realized that some of you may not know what a Proverbs 31 woman is. As I was scrolling through Tumblr, I found some really good explanations, so I thought I'd post them here. Also, you can just open your bibles to Proverbs 31 for a complete rundown of who she is. This first one I found is a really great breakdown of what it is we strive to become according to God's great plan for us.

10 Virtues of the Proverbs 31 Woman

1. Faith - A Virtuous Woman serves God with all of her heart, mind, and soul. She seeks His will for her life and follows His ways. (Proverbs 31: 26, Proverbs 31: 29 – 31, Matthew 22: 37, John 14: 15, Psalm 119: 15

2. Marriage – A Virtuous Woman respects her husband. She does him good all the days of her life. She is trustworthy and a helpmeet. (Proverbs 31: 11- 12, Proverbs 31: 23, Proverbs 31: 28, 1 Peter 3, Ephesians 5, Genesis2: 18)

3. Mothering - A Virtuous Woman teaches her children the ways of her Father in heaven. She nurtures her children with the love of Christ, disciplines them with care and wisdom, and trains them in the way they should go. (Proverbs 31: 28, Proverbs 31: 26, Proverbs 22: 6, Deuteronomy 6, Luke 18: 16)

4. Health – A Virtuous Woman cares for her body. She prepares healthy food for her family. (Proverbs 31: 14 – 15, Proverbs 31: 17, 1 Corinthians 6: 19, Genesis 1: 29, Daniel 1, Leviticus 11)

5. Service - A Virtuous Woman serves her husband, her family, her friends, and her neighbors with a gentle and loving spirit. She is charitable. (Proverbs 31: 12, Proverbs 31: 15, Proverbs 31: 20, 1 Corinthians 13: 13)

6. Finances - A Virtuous Woman seeks her husband’s approval before making purchases and spends money wisely. She is careful to purchase quality items which her family needs. (Proverbs 31: 14, Proverbs 31: 16, Proverbs 31: 18, 1 Timothy 6: 10, Ephesians 5: 23, Deuteronomy 14: 22, Numbers 18: 26)

7. Industry – A Virtuous Woman works willingly with her hands. She sings praises to God and does not grumble while completing her tasks. (Proverbs 31: 13, Proverbs 31: 16, Proverbs 31: 24, Proverbs 31: 31, Philippians 2: 14)

8. Homemaking – A Virtuous Woman is a homemaker. She creates an inviting atmosphere of warmth and love for her family and guests. She uses hospitality to minister to those around her. (Proverbs 31: 15, Proverbs 31: 20 – 22, Proverbs 31: 27, Titus 2: 5, 1 Peter 4: 9, Hebrews 13: 2)

9. Time - A Virtuous Woman uses her time wisely. She works diligently to complete her daily tasks. She does not spend time dwelling on those things that do not please the Lord. (Proverbs 31: 13, Proverbs 31: 19, Proverbs 31: 27, Ecclesiastes 3, Proverbs 16: 9, Philippians 4:8 )

10. Beauty – A Virtuous Woman is a woman of worth and beauty. She has the inner beauty that only comes from Christ. She uses her creativity and sense of style to create beauty in her life and the lives of her loved ones. (Proverbs 31: 10Proverbs 31: 21 – 22, Proverbs 31: 24 -25, Isaiah 61: 10, 1 Timothy 2: 9, 1 Peter 3: 1 – 6)

I am also going to include my little rant. So please bear with me.

Why is it that a woman who fears God, wants to serve her family and basically be the woman that God designed us to be is looked upon as such a bad thing? Have you looked at the complete description of what a Proverbs 31 woman is!?!?!?!! She is called to be strong, resourceful, a wage earner, provider for her family to name just a few. 

If we actually completed HALF of what's on that list in one day, we'd be exhausted!! She is basically the one running the show for her family! It takes a strong woman to be all that!!

If I can even become one-tenth of what a Proverbs 31 woman is I'd be happy. Sure does give a gal something to strive for.

Striving to be a Proverbs 31 Woman

I think this is something that every Godly woman should strive to be. A Proverbs 31 woman brings good not harm every day of her life, sets about her work vigorously, she opens her arms to the poor.
She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.
(Posted by Madelyn-Eloise "Fearfully and Wonderfully Made" on Tumblr)

Time For Change

Hello lovelies! Those of you who read my blog will notice there was a title change. I've decided I want my blog to reflect what I am learning to become. It's not always the easiest of roads. I'm a stubborn person and I get irritated with my husband at times. But I am trying. And I am learning. It is a path that God has set me on. I know that my relationship with my husband is more peace-filled and less arguments take place.

Change is never easy. It has been studied that it takes 30 days to form a new habit. And I believe a lifetime to "unlearn" all the bad things we pick up over time. Yet, without change, our lives will become stagnant. We become stagnant. So, here I sit, reflecting on all my bad habits and deciding it is time for a change.

Something dawned on me late this afternoon. I may be finally learning about how this whole "godly wife thing" is supposed to work! It was a post I was responding to on a page about a woman who had just had an argument with her husband, yet again, about housework. Here's the post (I'm keeping the name out as I don't have her explicit permission to use it.) 

"Our anniversary is in 7 days.... And I'm not feeling very loving at the moment. Just had a huge fight and I'm honestly just tired of doing everything for him- even when I need rest (had a migraine and back issues and I was still doing everything for him and our son). I'm not a happy wife at the moment, and it's as though I'm supposed to do everything to keep us happy, when its a two way street and he should be trying too."  

Here was my reply: "As hard as it may seem, as wives we are called to sacrifice and service. I know it's not easy. Believe me, I've had my share of grumbling. I work full-time and my husband is out of work. He hadn't been helping a lot around the house. I felt like it was all on me. But, I am trying to be the godly wife and do the right thing. The last thing any man wants is to be nagged. Try sitting down with him and explain how you feel. Sometimes it's just a lack of communication and understanding. Maybe try telling him that when you don't feel good you'd like for him to pitch in a little. And I agree with you 100%. A happy marriage is NOT a one-way street. It takes two to make any marriage work. I hope this helps some. God bless." 

Being a "godly wife" isn't always the easiest thing. And for someone like me, who can be just as stubborn as my husband, we've butted heads over everything. After a while, fighting over stupid things that I have no control over is just a huge waste of time. And my husband, like most husbands, will eventually just tune us out. Our complaints go in one ear and out the other. It took a drastic event for things to change.

As hard as it was to pick up the pieces afterwards, it was worth it. He still doesn't help with a lot of the housework, but when he does, it's a huge relief to me. I've learned that it's ok to let things go. I am only human and can only do so much. I know that if I ask nicely, that sometimes it's easier to get him to help.

Men are not mind readers. They may see we're annoyed but have no clue as to WHAT we're annoyed about. If I'm out in the kitchen cleaning up after dinner, chances are my husband, who is on the sofa with the tv and computer on, will not going to know that I'm upset over anything. 

I'm just as much to blame. I keep everything in until it just takes one little thing to set me off. Then look out. I will go off like Vesuvius! That's not healthy. It's so much easier to just sit down and talk to my husband about the things that are bothering me and asking him to just help me out a little. After all, we both live in this house. We both make a mess. 

It's not just the housework, though. Sometimes it starts as that but the root is something deeper. I try to say my prayers at night before I lay my head down to sleep. I sit in the quiet darkness of my room and pour out my soul to our Father. Sometimes it's just a simple "Father help me." Other times it's more of a conversation. I leave my issues with God and let Him deal with them. This is not to say that I just dump all my problems on God then wake up in the morning without a care. Nope. It doesn't work that way and it's not always just that simple. But it's a start. And we all have to start somewhere. 

So, 30 days to form a new habit. Complain less. Leave it with God. Remember that my job is to serve and sometimes that involves sacrifice. No one said it would be easy. But God did promise us that it would be worth it. 

God Bless.
Linda. 

Here's a blog entry on the topic I just mentioned..nagging. Check them out.

"There's a snag in my nag"
http://www.girlfriendsingod.com/2014/theres-a-snag-in-my-nag-2/

Today’s Truth
Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife (Proverbs 21:19).

Good Morning Girls Week 4 Proverbs 31:10-31

Week 4: Your Marriage

Read: Proverbs 31:10-31

SOAP: Proverbs 31:30-31

Epilogue: The Wife of Noble Character

  A wife of noble character who can find?

She is worth far more than rubies.

 Her husband has full confidence in her

and lacks nothing of value

She brings him good, not harm,

all the days of her life.

She selects wool and flax

and works with eager hands.

 She is like the merchant ships,

bringing her food from afar.

 She gets up while it is still night;

she provides food for her family

and portions for her female servants.

 She considers a field and buys it;

out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.

 She sets about her work vigorously;

her arms are strong for her tasks.

 She sees that her trading is profitable,

and her lamp does not go out at night.

 In her hand she holds the distaff

and grasps the spindle with her fingers.

 She opens her arms to the poor

and extends her hands to the needy.

 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;

for all of them are clothed in scarlet.

 She makes coverings for her bed;

she is clothed in fine linen and purple.

 Her husband is respected at the city gate,

where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.

 She makes linen garments and sells them,

and supplies the merchants with sashes.

 She is clothed with strength and dignity;

she can laugh at the days to come.

 She speaks with wisdom,

and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

 She watches over the affairs of her household

and does not eat the bread of idleness.

 Her children arise and call her blessed;

her husband also, and he praises her:

 “Many women do noble things,

but you surpass them all.”

 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;

but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

 Honor her for all that her hands have done,

and let her works bring her praise at the city gate. 

S: Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Honor her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

O:  The verse above is so true. Outer beauty only lasts for so long. And charm..well, that’s all well and good. But, if there is no SUBSTANCE behind those things, then it makes for quite the shallow person. Our substance comes from our love of God and our families. We will see our benefit in heaven. Don’t forget to say thank you once in a while for all your mom or your wife does. 

A: Sometimes things women do go overlooked. We cook, clean, run a household, raise our children and we rarely ask anything in return. It is so easy to take someone like that for granted.

I know in my house I’m the one who works AND cleans and deal with my daughter (she’s 18 so it’s no easy feat). I know if I let just one day go without doing the dishes by the next day you won’t be able to find the sink! If I didn’t do the laundry none of us would have clean clothes. If I didn’t get up and go to work every single day then we would have no place to live and nothing to eat. Oftentimes I feel like no one cares. If mom doesn’t do it then no one else will. But it’s my job to do all those things. I know that I may not see my rewards now, but I will some day.

P: Lord, I have a lot to live up to. I hope that I can live up to Your expectations. And, if I fail along the way, You will humble me and show me the right way. Amen.