Not My Usual

I guess you can guess by the picture that this is going to be a different kind of post. Well I'm going to warn you right now, dear reader, that this is not one of my encouraging, pray to God kind of post. Nope. Not this time. I don't pretend to be some perfect kind of Christian wife. I don't just sit here with a smile on my face saying "Give it to God". I am me. I am subject to random mood changes, I get bitchy and irritable. I suffer from depression and anxiety, which often influences my perception of my life. And at this point, it's about my only outlook on life at the moment.
So, ready or not, here it goes.....

I’m about to explode. I need to find a therapist before I loose what is left of my mind or I do or say something I’m gonna regret. So here’s the long and short of it. Don’t answer the door because Rent-A-Center wants to come take the sofa. Don’t answer the door because the utility company wants to shut us off. We don’t have the money for this months’ rent. Car ins is due on the 14^th or else the policy cancels. $134/mo is supposedly the lowest plan hubby could get for cable/internet. He owes everyone he’s borrowed money from to get us through the week. BUT, on the bright side, the van is fixed so he won’t have to take the bus to work! (He’s too good for that.) So if we don’t have a place to live we don’t need the sofa or the cable. We just can’t drive the van passed the 14^th, but hey, he can probably park it at work and we’ll live there.

Hubby and daughter are like oil and water. For the most part he's ok with her, but there's always some kind of complaint and it lands on my daughter. He’s always saying she doesn’t pay rent. Why should she? She wasn’t here a whole lot. Plus she pays for all her stuff. Now she is here more because her boyfriend broke up with her. But she works sometimes 10 days straight before she gets a day off. And a lot of times she’ll go out with her friends at night. The only irritating thing is she has money to buy clothes, make up, get her nails done, get her hair colored. I can’t even buy a friggen bra that’s not from the dollar store. Granted, she takes 3 buses each way to work without complaint. She’ll give hubby $10 for gas to pick her up from work on a Sunday (it was $10/trip).

I've always busted my ass working. I never complained when hubby didn’t work. I just did the best I could do. To hell with my mental health. To hell with the fact that I would have an anxiety meltdown at least once a week. It didn't matter that my boss was a bitch who lived to make my life a living hell. We needed the money. Too bad I had to take 2 buses to work every morning. Suck it up and do what you have to. When we lived in our first apartment a few towns from here, I was taking 2 buses each way to work. I would have to walk a mile or so from the bus stop to our apartment, at least until they changed the bus routes and I could catch the bus in front of our apartment. I never have money just for me. My wallet wouldn’t know what money is.

Hubby was out yesterday all day trying to finish working on the van (he hit an animal last weekend that seriously messed up the cooling system in the van.) So, he comes home and rather than hi I missed you. Or oh it’s good to be home or whatever the hell… I get “Oh you really DIDN’T do anything today, did you?” How many times have I had to tip toe around him in the morning because he can be a real bastard in the mornings. How many times have I just sat quietly so I wouldn’t bug him? How many Fridays have I sat here waiting for dinner because he had to have a “few beers”, because after all he worked his ass off all week standing on his feet in a hot warehouse so he deserves it. Fortunately, he doesn’t really get drunk. He’s been drinking for so long that beer doesn’t really get to him (except when he gets passed 8 or 9, then he gets mouthy and usually directs it at me). We don’t eat dinner till 7 or later most nights so he can “relax and a have a few beers” before making dinner. (This has only started since he went back to work. He hasn’t done this in a very long time.)

Our one luxury is ordering out on Friday nights (because by then there’s no food in the house and he doesn’t want to have to cook). We'll sit here together on a Friday night and drink. He'll go through a 6-pack while I indulge in alcohol. I don't always drink. But sometimes I will. And by the time he orders the food when I do drink, I'll be just too damn drunk to eat. By the time the food gets here, I’m already passed out in bed. Oh, and you know what he got me for my birthday? Booze. 1 small bottle of Raspberry Vodka, 2 shot bottles of raspberry vodka and a shot bottle of Fireball (a hot cinnamon whiskey).

I am covered head to toe with bites, blisters, scabs and scars because we somehow got bedbugs, I don’t even like leaving the house because I look like some leper. My hands and arms are the worst. But since they’ve run out of real estate there, they’ve decided that my back and my legs are just as tasty. I must have over 100 bites/scabs all over. We can’t afford an exterminator. He wants to wait till my tax money comes in Feb. But I don’t think I’m going to get a whole lot because I can’t claim my daughter anymore on my taxes (when I did for 2015 she wound up owing on her taxes because I claimed her as a dependent). Which then means I can’t claim head of household. I have to claim as single. And so far, I’ve only worked 6 months out of this year (and oh yeah, my former boss already sent me my 2016 W-2).

You’d think that by now I’d have become much smarter, stronger and independent. Most of life’s trials show us that we can survive and even grow from it all. But, then you get to a point where there is no end to the struggle. It breaks you down and leaves you hopeless. And that's where I am at this point. My anxiety was so bad when I was working, so at least that has gotten somewhat better with being home. But I have to deal with the damn depression in exchange. My unemployment has gotten hung up, so I've been out of work since May 27 and have yet to receive a single unemployment payment, which hopefully will be the week.

I won't stop praying. There's precious little I have left to hold on to. My faith is the only thing holding me up. I know, at some point, God will answer. I just have to hold on and wait. It's all in His time, not ours. 

Thank you for taking the time to listen to this rant and hopefully understand that life CAN bring you down. I know sometimes it's all in your outlook. We all have our own coping mechanisms. Learn, grow, keep your faith. And hold on.....

Be Blessed.

When There Are No Answers

There comes a time or many times in our lives when we wonder where God is. We pray, we fast, we meditate. We go to church. We ask others to pray for us. And still..... God is silent. That's where I'm at. We are dealing with so many problems that are all overwhelming. I know God will provide. He already showed me that. But it's hard to keep trusting day in and day out that He will come through when there's no where left to go. But, there is beauty in hitting rock bottom. It is at that point that we can only go up. And we need to look up.

Remember the story of Thomas when Jesus appeared to him after the Crucifixion? Thomas had a hard time believing that this was, indeed, Jesus standing in front of him. How could that be? Jesus died on a cross. They all saw it. Jesus did not scold Thomas. He did not walk away. He said to simply touch His wounds. "He [Jesus] said to Thomas 'Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe"..... Then Jesus told him [Thomas] "Because you have seen me, you have believed, blessed are those who have not seen and yet believed." (John 20: 27, 29. NIV) That's where our saying comes from "doubting Thomas" Sometimes we don't see don't Jesus. We don't hear Jesus. We need to see living proof that He's at work in our lives. The thing about that is that we may not see the answer or hear the answer in the time we want. After all, NOW is when we need it the most. Situations are dire. There seems to be no way out. As frustrating as that is, Jesus is teaching us a lesson in patience. Remember "good things come to those who wait." The apostles waited. And waited. They began to wonder if Jesus really was coming back. I mean, how could that be? They all saw Him die on that cross.

If we look back to John 14, we see that Jesus left them with a rather puzzling statement "You heard me say 'I am going away and I am coming back to you....'" (John 14:28. NIV). If that were us in this day and age, we would be standing there scratching our heads trying to make sense of that. Is Jesus leaving on some mission trip? Is He going to another town? Where's He going? Well at least He's coming back. It's kind of like when babies learn. If they drop something it's gone. But wait, mom gives it back. Drop again. Again mom gives it back. So, if I drop something it's not gone forever. Someone will give it back. We've all played that game. It's rather amusing to see the perplexed look on the child's face after they drop the item and then mom shows it to her. This is the same point that Jesus was trying to make. He KNEW He was to die on that cross. But he gave reassurance to the apostles that He would come back. However, He didn't give them a time frame. How long will He be gone? When will He come back? Is He really coming back?

And this brings us back to our problems today. How do we know Jesus is going to answer us? We sort of get our answer back in the Old Testament. God reassures us "before you call I will answer; while you are still speaking, I will hear." (Isaiah 65:24. NIV). Umm... ok. So then why do we need to pray? We do we need to beseech our heavenly Father and ask for help if He knows what we need before we speak? It seems the bible is filled with these riddles. None of it ever seems to make any sense.

Alas, dear reader, we are assured that Jesus is going to intervene. Yes, He knows what you need, but He waits to hear it from you. It is at that point that you have decided to stop trying to do it yourself. Try asking for some help. But, He doesn't answer right away. He wants to be sure that the answer you seek is really what you want or what you need. We all want something. But is that something needed? You need a place to live, but you want that beautiful 3 bedroom, 2 bath craftsman style home you saw on tv. However, God may present you with an opportunity for a smaller house in a different neighborhood. Maybe a "fixer-upper". It's not what you wanted, but hey, it's a roof over your head. Do you see where I am going with this my dear readers? Keep praying. Keep waiting. It will happen. And when it does, you will see the fingerprints of God all over it.

Be Blessed Today.

Scripture verse: "For I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11. NIV)

Are We Forsaken?

This will be brief because I'm on my lunch at work. As I was reading my book, this whole thought jumped out at me. It has been a recurrent theme of my blog posts. And maybe there is a reason for that. It reminds me of how I am having such a bad day, but consider Jesus' worst day...the day He died on the Cross. Talk about really bad days! 

It's funny, because my devotional this morning was on this same topic. And the words I wrote to go with it is somewhat similar to what I am writing here: "We have all had times when we have felt alone despite all busyness in our lives and the people in our lives. It's often hard to remember that Jesus is always with us. I'm just as guilty as the rest of us for not remembering this. We need to find ways to remember this in the times of our darkness. We can lift each other up in times of despair & loneliness." (I will post the link to the devotional at the end of this post.)

As Jesus slowly died on the Cross, He cried out to God, His Father "My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me". Wow... Jesus, the perfect image of peace and love. The One who says that He will be with us always. And here He is wondering where God is in all this. Jesus KNEW He would die on the cross. He knew who would betray Him. He knew the reason for His crucifixion and death, so that we may have new life. And yet, knowing all this, at the last hour He wondered why He had to go through this. Why doesn't His father hear Him? Can you just imagine how alone He must have felt at that moment? 

It is the same thing in our own lives. Where is God when we need Him? Why doesn't He answer our prayers? Why is there so much pain and suffering in this world? Isn't that the reason WHY Jesus died for us? It's so hard to not feel alone in the middle of our anguish. When we're in the midst of chaos, it's hard to remember that Jesus is right there with us.God uses us in a myriad of ways. I also believe that God uses women to raise others up and encourage them so that they can then past that encouragement on to others. Women are born nurturers. So who better to inspire and encourage others than a woman? 

That's why us women need to stick together. For support and encouragement. For someone to remind us that indeed Jesus is watching out for us. He's helping us by making us reliant on Him. When we are broken down is the time when we need to really reach out to God to get us through. I think it is a reminder that God has not forsaken us. 

God Bless.
Linda

Here is the link to my devotional this morning: http://odb.org/2015/06/04/my-father-is-with-me/

Asking The Hard Questions

I just started reading this book. I had heard about it on the Christian radio station that I listen to. After hearing the author speak and describe her book, I knew this was something I wanted to read. So, when my daughter asked me what I wanted for Mother's Day, I asked her for this book. 

Last year I had done a bible study with my pastor on the book of Job. Since then, Job has become my "go-to" guy when I feel that sometimes God just isn't fair sometimes. And the one thing I learned about it all is that it's ok to yell at God, to ask Him why, to rail and rage (However, "In your anger do not sin" Eph 4:26). God isn't going to ignore me. He's not going to get mad at me. And He certainly will not abandon me, even if I stray from Him. He will just wait patiently for my return.

And that's what this book is about. Sometimes when life throws us the unexpected curve ball, it leaves us wondering, where is God in all this? If He's such a great and mighty God, then why is He letting all this happen? Why do I need to keep going through this? Hello God.... remember me?!? 

It's NORMAL, dear reader, to wonder where God is in all of this. It's our instinctual response to turmoil. It's ok to ask the hard questions, the ones that are deep in your brain but you are afraid to utter. He knows. Believe me, He knows. And while He may not feel like sharing why He is letting all this happen, He wants you to hold on to Him because He is at work in your life right now, even if you can't see it.

But, if we revisit my old friend Job, it wasn't God at all working in his life. God had made a bet with Satan. He would be allowed to do anything to Job EXCEPT to take his life. And that makes me wonder, if God allowed Satan to play around with Job's life, then how do we know that what we are struggling with, what we are burdened with, is not of God's doing but some other "lower" power? This has been a big question in my mind since doing that study. How do we know? We don't. And we probably never will. What we DO have to do is hold on to God for dear life. Sometimes I think that's why God allows these things to happen. To make us realize how much we really do need Him in our lives. To realize that without God we are nothing. If you're in doubt, look at John 15:5 (NIV) "I am the vine and you are the branches. If you remain in Me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing".

I've thought to myself that if all this turmoil is supposed to make me stronger, then I should have the strength of Atlas!! Seriously. Now, I do realize that there are others who are much worse off than me. I have been blessed with a roof over my head, food to eat, clothes to wear and job to go to. But how many times have I wondered, there's GOT to be something more than this. This is existing, not living. Maybe He is trying to teach me a lesson. One in humility and thankfulness. Because just as quickly He could take it all away, just like Job. In one fell swoop Job lost his family, his livestock, his farm, his health. BUT through his suffering he never abandoned his faith. Was he mad at God? You bet! Did he question God's motives? Absolutely! All his friends assured Job that surely, either he or his children had done something to displease God for Him to let all this happen. 

Let's skip ahead to the end of the story.... in Job 38, Job got his answers. He got his answers in spades!! God went on to remind Job of all the great things He had done, and where was JOB in all of this? Oh, he got his butt handed to him on a silver platter. But that's ok. Job was humbled by God's responses. God, in His infinite wisdom, taught His child a lesson, the hard way. God basically tells Job to man up and take it like a man. You can dish it but can you take it? Can you even IMAGINE arguing with God?! Not me! Nuh uh. If we hang on till the end of the story, in the end of Job 42, God gives everything back to Job that he had lost, and then some. His doubting friends got a good "what for" from God for their idiocy, their lame excuses. 

My point, dear reader, is that if you hold tight to your faith, hang onto God with your last fingernail, eventually peace will be restored. All that you have suffered through will be but a mere memory. I'm not suggesting that everything will have a happy ending. I'm not just quoting platitudes and scripture verses. You're probably sitting there saying to yourself "oh yeah, easy for you to say. You're not the one suffering". Yup. Gotcha. But know what? I am going through my own trials. They may not be what you are going through. I've had to deal with my share of trials and issues and things blowing up in my face. But in the midst of it all I haven't lost my faith. I may have questioned it. I may have had my doubts. I have even questioned it all. Yup. I am just like you. We all suffer in our ways. 

So, take heart lovelies. There will be an end. There will be a light at the end of that dark tunnel (and no, it is not the one from the oncoming train! lol). Trust God. Let Him lead you through the desert. Through all the muck and mire. Ask Him the questions. Get mad! Cry out to Him. Yell and scream if that's what makes you feel better. But hang on for dear life and don't give up. And NEVER give up on God. He will see you through. I promise.

God Bless.

Linda

Fingerprints

How many times have we just got done dusting something when the kiddos come along and leave their sticky fingerprints on things!!?? You just roll your eyes and try to wipe it clean yet again.

How many crimes have been solved, or at least a suspect determined by a single fingerprint?

We can all be singly identified with our own unique fingerprint. No 2 are alike. These intricate little whirls and swirls tell who we are. It's amazing really.

Well, when God answers a prayer, you can usually tell because you see His fingerprints all over it. Aha!! It was God who did it!! lol

It's so easy to praise and say thank You when He answers our prayers. It's so easy to sing Hallelujah and Amen when times are good and everything is going right. But what about those tough times? The times when you think God isn't listening? When you've exhausted every prayer and every praise? It is within those sticky messes that we need to keep praying. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 says "Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in ALL circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." (Emphasis added by me.)

It says REJOICE ALWAYS. Not rejoice when things are good. Not rejoice because you have everything you need. You are to rejoice ALWAYS, REGARDLESS of your circumstances. You should give thanks in ALL circumstances, not just the good stuff.

Pray without ceasing... some very important direction in there. It doesn't say to pray when you get around to it. Or pray when you have a free moment. It doesn't say to pray once in a while. It says "Pray WITHOUT ceasing." 

Lately I have been reading "The Power of Simple Prayer" by Joyce Meyer. I'm learning a lot about prayer. Sometimes you have all you can do to just utter a single sentiment. If so, let that sentiment be "God help me." God doesn't require a lengthy, wordy prayer. He knows what's in your heart. He knows what you need before you pray about it. But, He does require that we do ask. He'll hear you. I promise. 

If you keep the will of what God wants in your prayers, trust me, things will happen. "If it is Your will, Father" is a good way to start. But, I found "God help us" is a goodie too. Straight, simple and to the point.

I found that out tonight when we ran into problems with our car. My husband was under the car with a faulty jack and rain coming down trying to figure out where this and that goes so the car would start again. It was a simple fix, really. Just plug the thing back in. But with no flashlight it is difficult. 

As I stood under the tree trying to stay dry I had a little conversation with the Lord. I told Him that as much as I love the rain, we could really do without it at the moment. I told Him what we needed was a light from heaven (and I didn't mean lightning!). Not long after someone had come out of one of the shops with a flashlight for my husband to keep. 

I kept repeating the words "faith and patience. Faith and patience." (As my husbands' patience was wearing thin.) As I uttered those words, the words turned into words only understood by God. I closed my eyes and just kept repeating as the Holy Spirit filled me. It was then that the rain stopped. And then my husband found the place that the part needed to be plugged in to and voila! The car started. I once again looked skyward and said Thank You Jesus! 

My husband, who I will call (or my daughter calls him) a "lukewarm Christian". He goes to church with us, he helps out with projects around the church and so forth. But it's hard to convince him that God has a hand in things. So, as he crawled out from under the car, he looks at me and says "Who's the man!?!?" I smiled and pointed heavenward. My husband just looked at me "But I got the car started." Yes, he may have been the one UNDER the car but God was ABOVE the car helping in His own way. He had left His fingerprints all over this one. There was no denying it.

I see God's fingerprints on more than just that. Money is super-tight in our house. I have recently had my 27 yr old son move back home with us. I still have my 18 yr old daughter living at home. My husband has been out of work for a year and my job is on salary so it doesn't matter how many hours I work. I still come home with the same thing. It's really hard to make things last 2 weeks (I get paid biweekly.) But, God has provided. My husband has a temporary job with a text book supply warehouse. We get money when we least expect it and need it the most. We may not have everything we want, but we have everything we need. God has seen to it that we are always provided for.

Matthew 6:25,27 tells us that we should not worry. "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than the clothes?...Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"

I changed my prayers from "God I hope You will help" to "God I KNOW You will help" and help He has. We have money for food when we need it, money for gas to get us to work and back and I have my medications every month. Life may be hard. It can be downright impossible at times. But I know that as long as I keep my faith and keep praying that God will hear me.

I still worry. I still fret. I'm human. I know some will say that by worrying it means you are not putting your whole trust in God. That may be, but I know that God will still hear my prayers. He knows what I need. I KNOW He will provide.

Think about the circumstances in your own lives. Are there things that are blocking your path? Do the little things seem overwhelming? Ask Jesus to guide you through these. Reflect on those bible quotes. Do you have any "go-to" bible verses? I'd love it if you would share those. :)

Much Love and God Bless.

Trial By Fire

Life is never easy. There are going to ups and downs, trials and tribulations. Benjamin Franklin summed it up in one short phrase "The only sure things we have in this life are death and taxes." However, Mr. Franklin, I beg to differ. The only sure things we have IN THIS WORLD may be death and taxes, but GOD promises us so much more. He assures us a place in heaven. He assures us that His love will never falter or change. He will always be the one constant in our lives. This He promises us!

Sometimes, though, life throws us a curve ball when we are least expecting it. It is through those times that our faith in God is tested. You start to wonder. Where is God in this whole mess? Why is He letting this happen? Let me tell you, friends, when you go through enough trials you really do start to wonder.

I began reading the Book of Job not long ago. I read it because I feel like I am Job. Trials upon trials are being heaped upon me. Sometimes I just want to sit and cry because I am so tired of the constant struggle. I am the only one working in our household. The housework is my sole responsibility. We also have my 18 year old daughter living with us. AND her survivor benefits will be running out soon (that's what helps us pay the rent). My husband doesn't seem too eager to find work even though he's been presented with multiple leads. He seems fine with me working and him staying home. I would be ok with that if I were making better money and if he took care of the housework. He does all the cooking and the grocery shopping as well as handling all the bills. So it's not like he doesn't do anything. But being the sole wage earner and knowing that once my daughters' benefits run out we won't have enough money to live on is stressful. Add to that I work for a physician who makes my life a living hell every day... And knowing that my husband really doesn't want to go to work... Ok, God. I get it. I'm being tested! But enough is enough already. I feel like I'm drowning.

My pastor decided he wanted to do a sermon series on Job. So we've been meeting up as time allows as a sort of therapy for me, to open me up to new ideas and an ability to learn. I began reading Job because in the season of my life I feel like Job. I've asked God over and over "Haven't I been through enough already Lord?" Apparently God feels as if I can handle all that I have been given. It has surely been a lesson in patience, in hope, and in faith. It is a humbling experience, to say the least.

Job kept asking God why He was doing this to him? Why was He continuing to persecute him? As far as he knew he hadn't done anything wrong. Wasn't it enough already that he lost all of his children, all of his livestock, and his health? Add to that his 3 friends who more or less kept telling him that he must have done SOMETHING wrong to deserve this punishment. If he would just repent then God would restore all that was taken. Throughout the whole story Job maintained his innocence. He stood his ground. If that were me, I would be like "Ok God, whatever it is I have done, I am sorry." Job could've done that. But he didn't.

Yup. So that's me. That's where I am at today. Enough is enough already Lord. I give up! You've had Your fun. Now I surrender.

And therein lies the key word....I SURRENDER. I acknowledge that I can neither fix this nor change it. God is the only one who can. I need to stop trying to do it my way and realize that my way isn't working. I found this interesting quote from a sermon that I found online "God will test you in order to purify you. God works in our lives to refine us and to strengthen us. God does not test us to BREAK us but to MAKE us; He refines not to DESTROY us but to DEVELOP us. Faith in Jesus does not cause difficulty to disappear. Your problems will not evaporate when you trust Jesus...God puts His people into the furnace of affliction to bring us to submission." There lies the answer. We have our faith tested for a reason. God wants us to remember to rely on Him. He makes us submit to His will. Remember the line in the Lord's Prayer "Thy WILL be done..." His will. Not ours. His. 

Sometimes, I wish it didn't have to be so hard. Everything always seems to be a struggle, and an uphill one at that. But those are the times that bring us to our knees. Those are the times when we need to look UP. 

As Christian wives, we seem to have an even greater burden. We are the backbone of our families. We are the glue that holds it all together. As the old saying goes "Behind every great man there is a woman." That's no lie. We are the constant support, the quiet force, the ones who help our husbands to shine. (although I doubt any man would admit to this!) It is said all throughout the bible that woman was made to help man. 'Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”' (Genesis 2:18) I think I shall put this one on our refrigerator: "He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord." (Proverbs 18:22) 

I know that I am the one whose had to pick up the pieces of someone elses' mess. I'm the one who is slowly gluing them back into place. It is a tiring and tedious process. One I wish I didn't have to bear. But God put me here for a reason. I have to trust in that. I pray every night for the strength to keep going. I ask God to keep me on the path that He has set before me and to walk with me. I know at some point I will look back and think of how far I have come and what I have survived and I know I will be a better, stronger person because of it. 

One of these days things WILL get better. Life won't always be this hard. (Repeat over and over till it sinks in! lol) While I am struggling through this season of my life I will thank God for the strength to keep going. To be thankful for the many blessings He has given me. And to know that He is changing me so that I will become the woman He imagined me to be. 

Blessings and Love.
Linda

Fear & Faith

"You call me out upon the waters,
The great unknown where feet may fail.
And there I find You in the mystery,
In oceans deep,
My faith will stand."

~~Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)

Hillsong United 

There comes a time in everyone's life when we are afraid of something. I'm not talking about things like being afraid of spiders, or thunderstorms, or anything like that. I'm talking about fear that keeps you up at night, the fear that consumes your every thought. It is Satan whispering in your ear all the negatives. It is our weakest moments that Satan rejoices, for then he can come in a wreak havoc with our thoughts.

For most of us, that fear comes in the form of fear of the unknown. Fear of the future and all the things that COULD happen, or MIGHT happen. It's the little things that, over time, will roll into one big thing. We've all been there. Some of us, like myself, are there right now. And it's an awful place to be. It is a place of darkness. Of feeling hopeless. Feeling like God has abandoned you.

Some people will tell you that if you have that kind of fear, then you are not placing your trust in Jesus Christ. That you're not fully following Christ and trusting in Him. Or that perhaps you have done something to deserve this. We see this example in the book of Job. Job doesn't understand why all these bad things have happened to him. His friends are of no help, suggesting that Job must have done SOMETHING to deserve this.

 

"Yet if you devote your heart to him
    and stretch out your hands to him,
 if you put away the sin that is in your hand
    and allow no evil to dwell in your tent,
 then, free of fault, you will lift up your face;
    you will stand firm and without fear."

(Job 11:1-15)

I know that I have scratched my head at times and wondered what did I do to deserve this? Did I not confess all my sins to God and ask for forgiveness? Is there some aspect of my life that God sees as unfavorable? Maybe it's just me, that I'm not worthy of God's good grace and mercy. There's Satan, once again poking his nose in where it don't belong. Trying to convince me that I am unworthy of God's love.

I keep thinking of Peter when Jesus called out for him to step out of the boat and walk to Him. Here's this boat, in the middle of the ocean, in the middle of a storm and Jesus is asking Peter to get out of the boat. If that had been me, I would have been like "Are you crazy!?!?" That's where faith takes over. As long as Peter kept his eyes on Jesus, he was able to walk on the water to where Jesus was. But the moment Peter averted his eyes and looked down, he began to sink. Jesus, being the awesome soul that He is, plucked Peter out of the water. 

That's what our faith does. It takes us to places that we fear, sticks us in the middle of a maelstrom where we wait patiently for Jesus to come save us. Jesus wants us to learn to rely solely on Him. When we are drowning don't we look up for help? We are raising our hand up yelling to God to save us. 

Sometimes, though, we feel like we just can't hear God. We feel as though He's forgotten us. I began reading Job on my own because I feel so much like him. Here's this man who is minding his own business. He has a good life. When all of a sudden he loses it all. And there he stands.

"What I feared has come upon me;
    what I dreaded has happened to me.
 I have no peace, no quietness;
    I have no rest, but only turmoil.” 

(Job 3:25-26)

What are we to do when our lives fall apart? How many times have we wondered why God would allow these bad things to happen? We may never find out why. It's at those times, however, that we truly need God. It is at those times that our faith is tested, just like Job. Like Job, our faith waivers. We go back and forth between blaming God and thanking God for His many blessings. When all is said and done, our faith steps in and keeps us from feeling afraid. We are reminded that, yes, God is listening and He hears all of our prayers. 

"Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, 

and I will listen to you."

Jeremiah 29:12

 Remember, the times when you are most afraid, when the future seems out of control, THAT is when you need to leave God in control. Just as Jesus pulled Peter out of the water, He will pull you out of the water. You need to take a leap of faith and trust in God's perfect timing. 

 

In The Silent Stillness of a Saturday Morning

Good Morning Lovelies! Today it almost feels like summer, complete with sun, breeze and a ton of humidity. All winter long I longed for the warmth of spring and summer. Well I have it. Ugh. I can really do without the humidity. 

I sit here in the recliner with my dog draped over my legs, a cup of coffee by my side and I reflect upon the week I've had. Saturday's are MY day. I work all week and my husband tries to leave Saturday's as my day to do what I want. I try to wrap up any household chores on Friday night after dinner. It doesn't always happen that way. And some times we have commitments on Saturdays. But today is all quiet. My daughter and her best friend are on their way to welcome home a friend from Afghanistan. There's nothing that can't wait to be done. Hubby is watching "This Old House" on PBS in between dozing off.

I have been browsing Facebook and the many good pages it has for Christians. They are there if you look for them. I also googled the term "Christian Wives" to see where it would lead me. I found some interesting sites and blogs. 

You see, I have set about to "clean up my act" so to speak. It's time to put me aside in favor of putting Jesus and my husband at the top of my list. I believe that Jesus is calling me to a higher purpose. I have been working with my pastor on a sermon series on the Book of Job. I began reading Job on my own because I really identified with him. I feel like Job's female counterpart. He had all these trials heaped upon him for no good reason. How many times have I wondered why God is letting me struggle as hard as I am. I try to be good. I go to church. I pray. I study the bible. I am trying to be a godly woman. So why am I struggling? What have I done that I have not repented for? 

Those are the same queries that Job's friends asked of him. Surely you must have done SOMETHING to deserve this. If you just fess up and ask for God's forgiveness life will go back to being good. But Job hadn't done anything. He obeyed all of God's laws. It even says in Job 1:1 that Job was an upright, God-fearing man. He shunned evil. So what happened?!

That's the same thing I keep asking myself over and over. Lord, what have I done? Sometimes God lets us go through the bad times for a reason. How else can we learn to appreciate the good times in life? Job also waffled back and forth between blaming God and thanking God. I've done that too. I've had times I didn't want to hear anything about God. He's doing this to me. I am suffering. 

My pastor posed this question to me "Who is really suffering?" Gee, thanks Andy. Make my tiny little brain work overtime! lol But isn't that the reason we study the bible? To learn. To grow. To find the answers we seek? To see that there were others who have come before us who had suffered much greater hardships and God saw them through all of it. 

I've went through crises in my life that I would not have been able to withstand without my faith in God. There is a line in a song by Casting Crowns that says "I wasn't holding on to you, but you were holding on to me" (Praise You In This Storm). How true. Jesus wasn't willing to let me fall. He took that fall for me. What a gift. Who am I to complain when He withstood crucifixion? He, too, did nothing wrong. But He suffered anyway. So maybe it's not me. It's just life. 

We live in a world that doesn't want us talking about God or faith. No wonder it's so hard to just keep going. Satan is alive and well in our world. He is why it's so hard. He keeps throwing bombs at us and tries to break us. It's up to us to not let him win. We are children of the Lord! We need to fight against the earthly world and live as Jesus commanded. "As I have loved you, so must you love one another." (John 15:12) When Jesus hung on the cross He prayed to His Father "Father forgive them for they know not what they do." (Luke 23:34)

I have been praying, a lot. And I have been getting my answer. In scripture verses, in daily devotionals, in faith-based posts. He keeps telling me to not worry. That He has my back. He isn't making me suffer. He is holding on to me THROUGH my suffering. My faith is once again being tested. How much will it take to separate me from Jesus? Satan really wants to get that foothold on me. The enemy strikes when we are at our weakest. 

When you feel at the end of your rope, keep holding on. Jesus will see you through it. You may not think so. You may feel like you're fighting a losing battle. You may want to give up. DON'T!! That's what Satan wants. Fight him off by praying. Fight him off by holding on to Jesus. Cry out to our Father. He's right there. He's not going to let you fall into the hands of the enemy. Let your trials strengthen you. Let your trials deepen your faith. Let your trials pull you closer to Jesus. Take everything one step at a time. One day at a time. Sometimes one hour at a time. And you will emerge from it all stronger, wiser, and better for having gone through it.

Silent Saturday

As I read about the story of the death and resurrection of Christ, I am constantly learning something new. In this excerpt from Faith Gateway Devotionals Daily, we look at Saturday. Yesterday Jesus died. Tomorrow we will celebrate His resurrection. His ascent into Heaven. But what about Saturday? What happened on Saturday? So, here is "Silent Saturday":

In Between Despair and Joy

by John Ortberg from Who Is This Man?

So far as we know, there has only been one day in the last two thousand years when literally not one person in the world believed Jesus was alive.

On Saturday morning after Jesus’ crucifixion, the disciples wake after not having slept for two days. The city that was screaming for blood the day before is quiet. Crowds have disbanded. Jesus is dead.

What do they do on Saturday?

It’s strange that the two days on either side of Saturday are so heavily discussed. Some of the brightest minds in the world have devoted themselves primarily to those two days; they have been across the centuries maybe the two most studied days in history. The Bible is full of what happened the day before, the day Jesus was killed. And the next day, Sunday, is the day believers say gave birth to the most death-defying, grave-defeating, fear-destroying, hope-inspiring, transcendent joy in the history of the world. Pentecostals still shout about it. Charismatics still dance because of it. Baptists still say Amen! over it. Presbyterians still study it. Episcopalians still toast it with sherry. Some people think of Sunday in mellower terms, as a metaphor for hope. And others think of it as a dangerous enemy of logic, reason, and mortality.

Let’s just leave Sunday alone for now.

This isn’t Sunday. This isn’t Friday. This is Saturday. The day after this but the day before that. The day after a prayer gets prayed but there is no answer on the way. The day after a soul gets crushed way down but there’s no promise of ever getting up off the mat.

It’s a strange day, this in-between day. In between despair and joy. In between confusion and clarity. In between bad news and good news. In between darkness and light.

Even in the Bible - outside of one detail about guards being posted to watch the tomb - we’re told nothing about Saturday. Saturday is the day with no name, the day when nothing happened.

Now only a handful of followers remain. Friday was a nightmare day; Friday was the kind of day that is pure terror, the kind when you run on adrenaline. On Saturday when Jesus’ followers wake up, the terror is past, at least for the moment; the adrenaline is gone. 

Those who believe in Jesus gather, quietly maybe. They remember. It’s what people do. Things He said. What He taught. Things He did. People He touched or healed. They remember what it felt like when this Jesus wanted them. They remember their hopes and dreams. They were going to change the world.

Now it’s Saturday.

Maybe they talk about what went wrong. What in God’s name happened? None of them wants to say this, but in their hearts, they’re trying to come to grips with this unfathomable thought: Jesus failed. Jesus ended up a failure. Noble attempt, but He couldn’t get enough followers.

He couldn’t convince the chief priests. He couldn’t win over Rome to make peace. He couldn’t get enough ordinary people to understand His message. He couldn’t even train His disciples to be courageous at the moment of great crisis.

Everybody knows Saturday.

Saturday is the day your dream died. You wake up and you’re still alive. You have to go on, but you don’t know how. Worse, you don’t know why.

This odd day raises a question: Why is there a Saturday? It doesn’t seem to further the story line at all. We might expect that if Jesus was going to be crucified then resurrected, God would just get on with it. It seems strange for God to spread two events over three days.

In its own way, perhaps Saturday should mark the world as much as Friday and Sunday.

Friday, Saturday, and Sunday lie at the heart of the ancient calendar. They attributed great significance to the notion that this event was a three-day story.

The apostle Paul wrote, “For what I received I passed on to you as of first importance: that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, that He was buried, that He was raised on the third day [Paul adds again] according to the Scriptures.” The Old Testament Scriptures are filled with what might be called “third-day stories.” When Abraham is afraid he’s going to have to sacrifice Isaac, he sees the sacrifice that will save his son’s life on the third day. Joseph’s brothers get put in prison, and they’re released on the third day. Israelite spies are told by Rahab to hide from their enemies, and then they’ll be safe on the third day. When Esther hears that her people are going to be slaughtered, she goes away to fast and pray. On the third day, the king receives her favorably.

It’s such a recurring pattern that the prophet Hosea says, “Come, let us return to the Lord. He has torn us to pieces... After two days He will revive us; on the third day He will restore us, that we may live in His presence.” All three-day stories share a structure. On the first day there is trouble, and on the third day there is deliverance. On the second day, there is nothing - just the continuation of trouble.

The problem with third-day stories is, you don’t know it’s a third-day story until the third day.

When it’s Friday, when it’s Saturday, as far as you know, deliverance is never going to come. It may just be a one-day story, and that one day of trouble may last the rest of your life.

* * *

I said before that Saturday is the day when nothing happens. That’s not quite right. Silence happens on Saturday. After trouble hits you, after the agony of Friday, you call out to God. “Hear me! Listen to me! Respond to me! Do something! Say something! Rescue!”

Nothing.

On Saturday, in addition to the pain of Friday, there is the pain of silence and absence of God. 

What do you do on Saturday?
You can choose despair. Paul writes about this: “How can some of you say that there is no resurrection of the dead?” In other words, apparently some people said, “There is never going to be a Sunday. It’s Friday. Get used to it. Do disappointment management, because that’s as good as it’s going to get.” Some people - silently, secretly - live here. You can choose denial - simplistic explanations, impatience, easy answers, artificial pleasantness. Hydroplane over authentic humanity, forced optimism, clichéd formulas, false triumphalism.

Paul wrote to Timothy that some “say that the resurrection has already taken place, and they destroy the faith of some.” In other words, apparently some said, “It’s already Sunday. The resurrection has already happened for all of us, so if you’re having any problems, if you’re still sick, if your prayers aren’t being answered, you just don’t have enough faith. Get with the program.” Or there is this third option:

You can wait. Work with God even when He feels far away. Rest. Ask. Whine. Complain. Trust.

Oddly, the most common psalm is the psalm of complaint. The Saturday psalm. God, why aren’t you listening?

* * *
An ancient homily spoke of this strange day: What happened today on earth? There is a great silence - a great silence and stillness. A great silence because the king sleeps. God has died in the flesh, and hell trembles with fear. He has gone to search for our first parent as for a lost sheep.

The Apostles’ Creed says Jesus descended into hell.

Somehow no suffering you go through is suffering Jesus will not endure in order to save you.

From a human standpoint, we think of the miraculous day as Sunday, the day the man Jesus is risen from the dead. I wonder if, from Heaven’s standpoint, the great miracle isn’t on Saturday. When Jesus is born, the skies are filled with the heavenly hosts praising God because that baby is Emmanuel, God with us. Somehow God in a manger, somehow God in a stable, somehow God on earth. Now on Saturday the angels look down and see what? God in a tomb.

The miracle of Sunday is that a dead man lives. The miracle of Saturday is that the eternal Son of God lies dead.

So Jesus Christ defeats our great enemy death not by proclaiming His invincibility over it but by submitting Himself to it. If you can find this Jesus in a grave, if you can find Him in death, if you can find Him in hell, where can you not find Him? Where will He not turn up?

 * * *

Your Turn

Are you in a season where God seems to be silent? Does it feel like you're suffering and He slammed the door in your face? That He doesn't hear you? That it's Saturday and maybe He'll never respond? Have you wondered where on earth Jesus is and when in the world will Sunday come... or if it will come? Join the conversation on our blog! We would love to hear from you about Silent Saturday. ~ Devotionals Daily

* Excerpted with permission from Who Is This Man? by John Ortberg (Zondervan). 

Good Morning Girls Devotional Week 2: Why Easter Matters

Read & S: Mark 15:37-39 (TLB)Then Jesus uttered another loud cry and dismissed his spirit.And the curtain in the Temple was split apart from top to bottom. When the Roman officer standing beside his cross saw how he dismissed his spirit, he exclaimed, “Truly, this was the Son of God!”

O: It wasn't until He breathed His last that He proved to people that He WAS the Son of God. Who else could be on the cross, ask His Father to forgive those who did that to Him, and then release His spirit and soul back to His Father? The ones who hung Jesus on the cross KNEW that He was the Promised One. The Savior. Who else could it be!?

A:  Sometimes it's hard to believe in something you can't see. And sometimes it is so hard to pray and not get an answer (or you get an answer you didn't like). We all need to remember that Jesus is very much real. I know that I have to remind myself that my faith is stronger than my doubt. That Jesus is bigger than my problems. And if I don't like the answers I get to my prayers, then I have to ask Jesus how it's going to work out. No one said it was going to be easy. Life never is. But the love of Jesus Christ is greater than all things.

 

P: Lord Jesus, help us to trust in You even though we can't physically see You. You are always there with us through the good and the bad. You hold us up when we want to fall. Our eyes may not see You, but our hearts and souls know You are there. 

 

 

Good Morning Girls Devotional Week 8: Our Health Thursday reading

Since our reading and scripture verse is just this one verse, I decided to add the graphic and go right on to the "O" part.

O: This reading is an interesting one. This is where mans downfall happened. We see Eve giving Adam the apple from the Tree of Knowledge, of which they were not supposed to eat. The serpent promised Eve that if she ate this, then she would be as wise as God. What a mistake! But, Eve, human as we, gave into the promises of more. 

How many times have we eaten something that we just knew that it wasn't good for us? But it just looked too good to pass up. Hence, Eve's dilemma. Oh, that apple looked good. The serpent promised her it would bring wisdom. Oh... just one bite. 

And so the fall of mankind happened. All because of an apple. That's all it takes. Just that one thing that is forbidden. And the more we are told we can't have it, the more we want it.

I've been learning a lot about addiction lately. It's just that one hit, that one toke, that one drink that starts it all. It's all downhill from there. The addict KNOWS it's not good, but they do it anyway. It's fueled by emotion and sensation. It's a way to not feel anything for a while or to forget for a while. They don't think of the long term consequences. They don't think of the people and the life they will lose. 

It's like that a lot in our earthly lives. The promise of better, younger, thinner, richer. It's all of what the flesh says we want. But it's not what God wants. We don't consider the consequences. We're willing to give in to that craving. It's Satan whispering in our ear. In that one moment we fall from grace.

We don't have to give in to that temptation. We can be stronger than Satan's whispers and promises. It's not worth that fall. It's not worth the guilt. When those promises of more start, pray. When Satan starts tugging, cast him out. Tell him to go. Ask Jesus to make him go! It won't be easy, but it will be worth it.

A: This is a good lesson to remember. Change doesn't come easy for me. It fuels my anxiety. It makes me feel uncomfortable. But it is in those times that I need to hold onto my faith, the promises that Jesus made for me. Those are the only ones I can believe. 

Everything in my life has been a struggle, a fight. But all of that has made me stronger. It made me rely on Jesus a whole lot. 

I will take things one day at a time. I won't believe the lies that I play out day-to-day in my head. I will believe in what Jesus has promised me! (And, if I'm lucky, as I repeat that over and over, maybe I'll even believe it! lol) And if I do fall, I know Jesus will be there to pick me up and make me start over. 

P: Lord Jesus, You never promised us that it would be easy. This life we are given is precious. You told us how we are to live it,  yet sometimes we fall into the trap of believing the lies we hear. When those negative thoughts start, when the promise of more and better are thrown at me, I pray for You to give me the strength to turn away from them. You are the rock on which I stand. It is through Your Holy Grace that I am still here. I have come too far to give up now. Jesus, give me the strength to stare temptation in the face and say no. I am Your daughter. Your creation. I want to live as You taught us to. I know with You I can do all things. And all the people said AMEN! 

Life's Healing Choices. Healing from lifes hurts, hang-ups and habits Step 1

I'm going to add something a little different. For the past two weeks hubby and I have been going to this recovery program at a nearby church. I really enjoyed it. If you can find one in your area, I highly recommend it. It's called Celebrate Recovery. It's not just for alcohol or chemical addictions. It's for any bad thing you may have in your life that you want to be rid of. 

Pastor Rick Warren (The Purpose Driven Life) guides you through this 8 week program. 

I enjoyed this so much I want to share it here. Also, I came in on the end, so I have 6 weeks of catching up to do. I think it will be beneficial.

**Note: everything here is directly from the study guide. You'll be able to fill in the blanks while watching the video.

 

 

The Beatitudes

"Happy are those who are spiritually poor...Happy are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. Happy are the meek...Happy are the pure of heart...Happy are those whose greatest desire is to do what God requires...Happy are the merciful...Happy are those who work for peace...Happy are those who are persecuted because they do what God requires."  (Matthew 5:3-10 NIV/TEV)

The root cause of your problem: Trying to ___________________.

HOW WE PLAY GOD

1. We try to control our _______________ by wearing masks, playing games, and hiding the truth about ourselves.

2. We try to control ___________________ by manipulating each other through guilt or shame or praise or even through silence.

3. We try to control our ________________ by saying things like: "I can handle it; it's not really a problem. I don't need any help. I can quit any time."

4. We try to control our _______________ by avoiding it, denying it, escaping it, medicating it, drowning it, or postponing it.

But the first step toward recovery-the first healing choice you have to make-is The Reality Choice, where you realize and accept the fact that you are not God, and you need help from someone much greater than you to overcome your hurts, hang-ups, and habits.

Consequences of Playing God

1. ______________________________________________

We fear that someone will find out who we really are and reject us.

2. ______________________________________________

I don't understand myself at all, for I really want to do what is right, but I can't. I do what I don't want to---what I hate. I know perfectly well that what I'm doing is wrong....But I can't help myself...It is sin inside me that is stronger than I am that makes me do those evil things. [Romans 7:15-17 LB]

My dishonesty made me miserable and filled my days with frustration. [Psalm 32:4-5 LB]

3. _______________________________________________

My strength evaporated like water on a sunny day until I finally admitted all my sins to You and stopped trying to hide them.  

[Psalm 32:4-5 LB] 

4. ______________________________________________

You'll never succeed in life if you try to hide your sins. Confess them and give them up. Then God will show mercy to you. 

[Proverbs 28:13 GNT]

We don't change when we see the light. We change when we feel the heat. God whispers to us in our pleasures, but He shouts to us in our pain. The fact is that if you could solve your problems, you would have done it a long time ago and you wouldn't have them anymore. You can't get fixed until you 'fess up, face your faults, and admit, "I am powerless."

Three Important Facts of Life

1. I am powerless to __________________ my past.

2. I am powerless to _______________ other people.

3. I am powerless to _____________ with my hurts, hang-ups, and habits.

• Good intentions are not enough.
• Willpower is not enough.
• You need another source of power.
• You need God.

God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble. [James 4:5 NIV]

• Grace is the power God gives you to make the changes in your life that He wants you to make. How do you get God's grace? There's only one way. God gives it to the humble. 
• What needs to change in your life? Make the Reality Choice today.

Discovery Questions
1. We all try to play God by attempting to control our image, other people, our problems, and our pain. Why do you feel the need to be in control? List some ways you try to control your image, your problems, your pain, or other people.
_______________________________________________________
___________________________________________
___________________________________________

2. Read the passage again from Romans 7:15-17. Can you relate to that? Share your experiences with this kind of tension.
________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________

3. The first healing choice is to admit you are powerless to change your past, control other people, and to cope with your problems. Which of these do you struggle with the most?
________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________

4. The Bible says, "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble." [James 4:6 NIV] Why do you think God "opposes the proud"? What does it mean to humble yourself before God?
_________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________

5. Where are you in learning to trust God? Share honestly with your group and ask for prayer to grow in this process.
___________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________

>>Putting It Into Practice
C.S. Lewis said "God whispers to us in our pleasures, but he shouts to us in our pain." That pain can be physical, emotional, relational, or financial. What might God be saying to you through your pain right now? We are all powerless over something. This week, take the first healing choice, and admit to God something you are powerless over.

>>Prayer Direction
Pray for God to give you the willingness and the courage to admit where you are powerless.


(C) 2009 Rick Warren and John Baker
Saddleback Resources
purposedriven.com/recoveryconnections