Winter Thoughts

Good Eventide to you all! I hope you are all keeping warm. It is snowing and frightfully cold here. I have taken Sir dog out and am now settled in with a nice cuppa. The choice for today is a mix of Pumpkin Spice and Ginger...with a little splash of something to warm me bones. There is nothing quite like tea in a pretty cup, I say! I believe I will try and make this a habit. After all, it is 4:30pm... which translates into tea time. Unfortunately I do not have any scones or biscuits to have with my tea. Perhaps tomorrow. 

We are 10 days away from Christmas. For most it is a festive time. All the wonderful decorations, visits with friends and family, and much more. But then, there are others, who are alone this time of year. It can be a terrible time. For them, it is looking at what they don't have, be it family or even a warm place to live. For others, it means painful memories of a time long passed. And still others, who fight addictions and mental illness. This time of year can be a real trigger. Add to that the cold weather, the snow, days of shorter sunshine and much more gloom. Holiday time has one of the highest rates of suicide and violence. 

I am the afore mentioned.. one who suffers from depression. Holidays have never been a favorite of mine. In a previous life, it meant stress and arguments and loneliness. In this life it means going without...without money, without friends and without family. The mister and I will not be participating in Christmas this year. 

However, for those of faith, particularly that of the Christian one, it is a time of joyous anticipation! The long journey of Joseph and Mary back to the village of Bethlehem as they await the birth of what will be our Savior. But, so many people seem to look past that. It's not about the gifts, the decorations, the parties.... it's about an anticipation of the future. My all time favorite story has always been Linus' soliloquy of the story of the "true" meaning of Christmas......

As you go about your shopping, your celebrating, your decorating, keep in mind those who are without. Perhaps say a little prayer. Or make a special ornament for your tree. Donate or volunteer your time at a homeless shelter or soup kitchen. Throw your pennies in the kettle for the Salvation Army. Light a candle at church. Whatever it is you choose to do, remember how blessed you are for all the things you have. And remember the reason WHY we celebrate Christmas.....

Some links for donation sites:

**for some reason they don't show up as active. However, if you copy and paste, you will be taken right to the site.

http://www.salvationarmyusa.org/usn/christmas-assistance

http://soldiersangels.org

http://toysfortots.org/default.aspx

http://www.coats-for-kids.org

 Sweater Controversy

Ok.... time for my rant on the latest "offense". This story got some real blasts from all kinds of people. Many complained that this was making fun of a serious mental illness. In my own personal opinion, I don't see it as such. I have several psychological disorders, one of which is OCD. I'm not offended by this sweater. I have a friend who decorates her entire house for Christmas. It looks like Santa's Wonderland. That sweater would be perfect for her!

I see a bunch of people who have nothing better to do with their lives than complain about SOMETHING!! Seriously, people need to STOP being so sensitive over every little thing. We have become a society of such "political correctness" that we have to watch every word and phrase that comes out of our mouth so we, heaven forbid, offend ANYONE. We want to make sure we are "all-inclusive". How did we become this way? How have we become such sensitive sots? 

There is always someone being offended. Well I'm offended that I have to make sure I don't offend someone else! I'm a Christian, and as such, I am offended that I am not allowed to wish people a Merry Christmas because then I am "forcing" my faith "down their throats". So, instead, I have to wish others a Happy Holiday so that I am sure to include EVERYONE and not offend someone else. 

Our governor (I'm in New York State) just signed a bill stating that children no longer have to say the Pledge of Allegiance because it mentions "..one nation, under God..." It seems that little phrase offends everyone who does not believe in God. But, wait a minute.... aren't there OTHER gods that people recognize as THEIR GOD? We aren't saying that we are one nation, under the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. God... whatever your name for Him is... Allah, Vishnu, Jehovah... Even if you're atheist, agnostic, wicca.... there is still a name for your "higher power". 

In my humble opinion, those who are complaining about being offended are bringing unneeded attention to what their "difference" is. There is ALWAYS going to be someone offended by something. If we spend our lives always looking for something that offends us, we're going to become a most miserable lot. 

LEARN TO LAUGH AT YOURSELVES PEOPLE! Life is too short.

Hugs My Loves,
Agatha 

Are We Forsaken?

This will be brief because I'm on my lunch at work. As I was reading my book, this whole thought jumped out at me. It has been a recurrent theme of my blog posts. And maybe there is a reason for that. It reminds me of how I am having such a bad day, but consider Jesus' worst day...the day He died on the Cross. Talk about really bad days! 

It's funny, because my devotional this morning was on this same topic. And the words I wrote to go with it is somewhat similar to what I am writing here: "We have all had times when we have felt alone despite all busyness in our lives and the people in our lives. It's often hard to remember that Jesus is always with us. I'm just as guilty as the rest of us for not remembering this. We need to find ways to remember this in the times of our darkness. We can lift each other up in times of despair & loneliness." (I will post the link to the devotional at the end of this post.)

As Jesus slowly died on the Cross, He cried out to God, His Father "My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me". Wow... Jesus, the perfect image of peace and love. The One who says that He will be with us always. And here He is wondering where God is in all this. Jesus KNEW He would die on the cross. He knew who would betray Him. He knew the reason for His crucifixion and death, so that we may have new life. And yet, knowing all this, at the last hour He wondered why He had to go through this. Why doesn't His father hear Him? Can you just imagine how alone He must have felt at that moment? 

It is the same thing in our own lives. Where is God when we need Him? Why doesn't He answer our prayers? Why is there so much pain and suffering in this world? Isn't that the reason WHY Jesus died for us? It's so hard to not feel alone in the middle of our anguish. When we're in the midst of chaos, it's hard to remember that Jesus is right there with us.God uses us in a myriad of ways. I also believe that God uses women to raise others up and encourage them so that they can then past that encouragement on to others. Women are born nurturers. So who better to inspire and encourage others than a woman? 

That's why us women need to stick together. For support and encouragement. For someone to remind us that indeed Jesus is watching out for us. He's helping us by making us reliant on Him. When we are broken down is the time when we need to really reach out to God to get us through. I think it is a reminder that God has not forsaken us. 

God Bless.
Linda

Here is the link to my devotional this morning: http://odb.org/2015/06/04/my-father-is-with-me/

Words

Think of how many people we converse with each and every day. Whether it's saying have a good day to our loved ones as they embark on their day, a casual conversation with that sweet old lady at the supermarket, or the constant conversation we have with ourselves in our head. There are constant voices going on. Have you ever really stopped to think about what you're saying? Does your mood dictate how you respond to others? I know for me, my mood can definitely be an influence. However, since I work with people all day long, there are times when I have been forced to put a smile on my face and try to be as cordial as possible, even if I'm having a bad day. Sometimes that mood will spill over into home. As my husband reminds me, leave it at work. Don't be someone I dread coming home to. 

Out of curiosity, I Googled "Bible Verses about Speaking". I found one site that listed 45 of them (http://dailyverses.net/speaking)!! If there is that many (and probably countless more that I could find) then it must be a pretty important topic in the bible! The only thing they DON'T tell you is how to make sure that everything we say to everyone is encouraging and uplifting. There are days I'd like to just tell some people to take a flying leap. My point is that once something comes out of your mouth, you can't take it back. Remember when we were kids and we'd say "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me"? How untrue that is. Words are some of the most powerful things we have, so take a moment before you say something. Think about it. 

Here's a verse to reflect on: "Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart Be acceptable in Your sight, O LORD, my rock and my Redeemer" (Psalm 19:14, ESV)

Here is a powerful song that tells of the power of the words we speak. It is "Words" by Hawk Nelson.

 


 

Asking The Hard Questions

I just started reading this book. I had heard about it on the Christian radio station that I listen to. After hearing the author speak and describe her book, I knew this was something I wanted to read. So, when my daughter asked me what I wanted for Mother's Day, I asked her for this book. 

Last year I had done a bible study with my pastor on the book of Job. Since then, Job has become my "go-to" guy when I feel that sometimes God just isn't fair sometimes. And the one thing I learned about it all is that it's ok to yell at God, to ask Him why, to rail and rage (However, "In your anger do not sin" Eph 4:26). God isn't going to ignore me. He's not going to get mad at me. And He certainly will not abandon me, even if I stray from Him. He will just wait patiently for my return.

And that's what this book is about. Sometimes when life throws us the unexpected curve ball, it leaves us wondering, where is God in all this? If He's such a great and mighty God, then why is He letting all this happen? Why do I need to keep going through this? Hello God.... remember me?!? 

It's NORMAL, dear reader, to wonder where God is in all of this. It's our instinctual response to turmoil. It's ok to ask the hard questions, the ones that are deep in your brain but you are afraid to utter. He knows. Believe me, He knows. And while He may not feel like sharing why He is letting all this happen, He wants you to hold on to Him because He is at work in your life right now, even if you can't see it.

But, if we revisit my old friend Job, it wasn't God at all working in his life. God had made a bet with Satan. He would be allowed to do anything to Job EXCEPT to take his life. And that makes me wonder, if God allowed Satan to play around with Job's life, then how do we know that what we are struggling with, what we are burdened with, is not of God's doing but some other "lower" power? This has been a big question in my mind since doing that study. How do we know? We don't. And we probably never will. What we DO have to do is hold on to God for dear life. Sometimes I think that's why God allows these things to happen. To make us realize how much we really do need Him in our lives. To realize that without God we are nothing. If you're in doubt, look at John 15:5 (NIV) "I am the vine and you are the branches. If you remain in Me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing".

I've thought to myself that if all this turmoil is supposed to make me stronger, then I should have the strength of Atlas!! Seriously. Now, I do realize that there are others who are much worse off than me. I have been blessed with a roof over my head, food to eat, clothes to wear and job to go to. But how many times have I wondered, there's GOT to be something more than this. This is existing, not living. Maybe He is trying to teach me a lesson. One in humility and thankfulness. Because just as quickly He could take it all away, just like Job. In one fell swoop Job lost his family, his livestock, his farm, his health. BUT through his suffering he never abandoned his faith. Was he mad at God? You bet! Did he question God's motives? Absolutely! All his friends assured Job that surely, either he or his children had done something to displease God for Him to let all this happen. 

Let's skip ahead to the end of the story.... in Job 38, Job got his answers. He got his answers in spades!! God went on to remind Job of all the great things He had done, and where was JOB in all of this? Oh, he got his butt handed to him on a silver platter. But that's ok. Job was humbled by God's responses. God, in His infinite wisdom, taught His child a lesson, the hard way. God basically tells Job to man up and take it like a man. You can dish it but can you take it? Can you even IMAGINE arguing with God?! Not me! Nuh uh. If we hang on till the end of the story, in the end of Job 42, God gives everything back to Job that he had lost, and then some. His doubting friends got a good "what for" from God for their idiocy, their lame excuses. 

My point, dear reader, is that if you hold tight to your faith, hang onto God with your last fingernail, eventually peace will be restored. All that you have suffered through will be but a mere memory. I'm not suggesting that everything will have a happy ending. I'm not just quoting platitudes and scripture verses. You're probably sitting there saying to yourself "oh yeah, easy for you to say. You're not the one suffering". Yup. Gotcha. But know what? I am going through my own trials. They may not be what you are going through. I've had to deal with my share of trials and issues and things blowing up in my face. But in the midst of it all I haven't lost my faith. I may have questioned it. I may have had my doubts. I have even questioned it all. Yup. I am just like you. We all suffer in our ways. 

So, take heart lovelies. There will be an end. There will be a light at the end of that dark tunnel (and no, it is not the one from the oncoming train! lol). Trust God. Let Him lead you through the desert. Through all the muck and mire. Ask Him the questions. Get mad! Cry out to Him. Yell and scream if that's what makes you feel better. But hang on for dear life and don't give up. And NEVER give up on God. He will see you through. I promise.

God Bless.

Linda

Fingerprints

How many times have we just got done dusting something when the kiddos come along and leave their sticky fingerprints on things!!?? You just roll your eyes and try to wipe it clean yet again.

How many crimes have been solved, or at least a suspect determined by a single fingerprint?

We can all be singly identified with our own unique fingerprint. No 2 are alike. These intricate little whirls and swirls tell who we are. It's amazing really.

Well, when God answers a prayer, you can usually tell because you see His fingerprints all over it. Aha!! It was God who did it!! lol

It's so easy to praise and say thank You when He answers our prayers. It's so easy to sing Hallelujah and Amen when times are good and everything is going right. But what about those tough times? The times when you think God isn't listening? When you've exhausted every prayer and every praise? It is within those sticky messes that we need to keep praying. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 says "Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in ALL circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." (Emphasis added by me.)

It says REJOICE ALWAYS. Not rejoice when things are good. Not rejoice because you have everything you need. You are to rejoice ALWAYS, REGARDLESS of your circumstances. You should give thanks in ALL circumstances, not just the good stuff.

Pray without ceasing... some very important direction in there. It doesn't say to pray when you get around to it. Or pray when you have a free moment. It doesn't say to pray once in a while. It says "Pray WITHOUT ceasing." 

Lately I have been reading "The Power of Simple Prayer" by Joyce Meyer. I'm learning a lot about prayer. Sometimes you have all you can do to just utter a single sentiment. If so, let that sentiment be "God help me." God doesn't require a lengthy, wordy prayer. He knows what's in your heart. He knows what you need before you pray about it. But, He does require that we do ask. He'll hear you. I promise. 

If you keep the will of what God wants in your prayers, trust me, things will happen. "If it is Your will, Father" is a good way to start. But, I found "God help us" is a goodie too. Straight, simple and to the point.

I found that out tonight when we ran into problems with our car. My husband was under the car with a faulty jack and rain coming down trying to figure out where this and that goes so the car would start again. It was a simple fix, really. Just plug the thing back in. But with no flashlight it is difficult. 

As I stood under the tree trying to stay dry I had a little conversation with the Lord. I told Him that as much as I love the rain, we could really do without it at the moment. I told Him what we needed was a light from heaven (and I didn't mean lightning!). Not long after someone had come out of one of the shops with a flashlight for my husband to keep. 

I kept repeating the words "faith and patience. Faith and patience." (As my husbands' patience was wearing thin.) As I uttered those words, the words turned into words only understood by God. I closed my eyes and just kept repeating as the Holy Spirit filled me. It was then that the rain stopped. And then my husband found the place that the part needed to be plugged in to and voila! The car started. I once again looked skyward and said Thank You Jesus! 

My husband, who I will call (or my daughter calls him) a "lukewarm Christian". He goes to church with us, he helps out with projects around the church and so forth. But it's hard to convince him that God has a hand in things. So, as he crawled out from under the car, he looks at me and says "Who's the man!?!?" I smiled and pointed heavenward. My husband just looked at me "But I got the car started." Yes, he may have been the one UNDER the car but God was ABOVE the car helping in His own way. He had left His fingerprints all over this one. There was no denying it.

I see God's fingerprints on more than just that. Money is super-tight in our house. I have recently had my 27 yr old son move back home with us. I still have my 18 yr old daughter living at home. My husband has been out of work for a year and my job is on salary so it doesn't matter how many hours I work. I still come home with the same thing. It's really hard to make things last 2 weeks (I get paid biweekly.) But, God has provided. My husband has a temporary job with a text book supply warehouse. We get money when we least expect it and need it the most. We may not have everything we want, but we have everything we need. God has seen to it that we are always provided for.

Matthew 6:25,27 tells us that we should not worry. "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than the clothes?...Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"

I changed my prayers from "God I hope You will help" to "God I KNOW You will help" and help He has. We have money for food when we need it, money for gas to get us to work and back and I have my medications every month. Life may be hard. It can be downright impossible at times. But I know that as long as I keep my faith and keep praying that God will hear me.

I still worry. I still fret. I'm human. I know some will say that by worrying it means you are not putting your whole trust in God. That may be, but I know that God will still hear my prayers. He knows what I need. I KNOW He will provide.

Think about the circumstances in your own lives. Are there things that are blocking your path? Do the little things seem overwhelming? Ask Jesus to guide you through these. Reflect on those bible quotes. Do you have any "go-to" bible verses? I'd love it if you would share those. :)

Much Love and God Bless.

The Meek Shall Inherit The Earth

I really enjoy sharing things with you that I find online. Especially if they are encouraging and positive. I hope you are encouraged by this post. I have posted the link to the blog at the end of this.

I found this on Pinterest and thought A-HA! What a perfect explanation of what it means to be meek. It goes along with my last blog post on love, faith and submission.

Meekness ...not a popular word in today's self-esteem culture. But it's a popular word in God's Book.

Sometimes translated "gentleness" (Ephesians 4:2), meekness makes a person sensitive to the feelings of others, but not sensitive to their own (i.e. not easily offended). Meek people aren't peevish, proud, or self-focused. They're God-esteemers and God-servers not self-esteemers and self-servers. In our world, the self-assertive, self-assured, self-promoters inherit the treasures.

But there's a separate Kingdom on earth, strategically preparing to rule all of history and eternity. The meek are leaders in that Kingdom and they will inherit that Kingdom's treasures (Matthew 5:5).

Unfortunately, few of us are genuinely meek. I'm not. I'm too easily offended at times, too self-focused and self-dependent. I need to pray more, trust more, die to self more.

If you can identify with any of these sins, join me today in praying for meekness.

O Gracious Father, keep me through Thy Holy Spirit; keep my heart soft and tender now in health and amidst the bustle of the world; keep the thought of Thyself present to me as my Father in Jesus Christ; and keep alive in me a spirit of love and meekness to all men, that I may be at once gentle and active and firm. O strengthen me to bear pain, or sickness, or danger, or whatever Thou shalt be pleased to lay upon me, as Christ’s soldier and servant; and let my faith overcome the world daily. Perfect and bless the work of Thy Spirit in the hearts of all Thy people and may Thy kingdom come, and Thy will be done in earth as it is in heaven. I pray for this, and for all that Thou seest me to need, for Jesus Christ’s sake. Amen.  (Thomas Arnold.  Christian Prayers Daily.com)


http://biblelovenotes.blogspot.com/2014/05/inherit.html 
http://christianprayersdaily.com/2011/09/23/prayer-for-a-spirit-of-love-and-meekness/

Faith, Love and Submission

Good morning dear readers. I know I've written a few entries on submission, but I feel this is one of those topics that really needs to be covered. We have heard so much, both negative and positive, recently that this has become a real "hot-button" issue. I could write on this topic for days at a time. It is such a controversial topic (and anyone who knows me knows I love to get up on my soap box and argue a point!). 

I've read many well-written articles on this topic and I would like to share them here with you. I hope that after reading these, it will give you something to think about.

Here's one where just the title could spark an argument! http://www.rosilindjukic.com/2013/08/submissive-obedience.html

This post gives some insight into common myths and asks some good questions. http://www.girlsgonewise.com/7-misconceptions-about-submission/

This one is from one of my favorite magazines. It gives clear, concise information on the topic.
http://www.todayschristianwoman.com/articles/2008/september/whats-so-scary-about-submission.html

Here is my response to Rosilind Jukic's article:
"A very thought provoking blog entry. As women,we reject the notion of submission. Somehow we feel it equals doormat, "giving in", weak-willed, and any other negative connotation of that word. Yes, women fought for freedom. But how far have we taken that freedom? "I can do anything you can do, and do it better" has become the catch phrase for women. I believe this is part of the reason why our society has become so messed up. We have completely lost sight of home, family and faith. Today's women are focused on career, material possessions and looking younger. We have totally negated the role of men in our society. We have relegated them to where women were 30+ years ago. We have taken away their authority and their role as provider and protector. We need to get back to our core values. We need to redefine the roles in our society. 

It's great that women are strong and that we are empowered to do whatever we set our minds to. This is not always a bad thing. When it turns into a bad thing is when we use it to usurp men's authority over us. It's funny how you described how men are viewed today. I heard that exact same description yesterday on the radio (I listen to a Christian station..K-Love). I believe there is a new ad on tv I believe that mentions what you described and they were talking about it yesterday.

Men, in general, are being given a bad rap. Not ALL men are beer guzzling, "whipped", pot-bellied do-nothings. Just like women aren't weak, dumb, no-nothings. Or on the other end of the spectrum, men view strong women as "dykes" or someone to be afraid of. How many times have we heard men jokingly say "Don't tell my wife..." Men shouldn't be afraid of their wives, or afraid of their reactions to things (unless they really are doing something wrong/sinful/not of God).

There's nothing inherently wrong with being a strong woman. It takes a strong woman to submit herself to God and her husband. That takes strength and courage. It forces us to step out of the "norm" and go against the grain. Not an easy thing to do in this society. I don't know how many ladies I've talked to about this topic and basically got the same response. "I don't know why you want to be told what to do." or "I would NEVER submit myself to a man." or "Well, if you like that sort of thing..." Some people will even believe that it is abusive.

Yes, there can be a point when something like that CAN be abusive. Especially if the man isn't being led by God. There are men who will take advantage of a woman who is submissive. They feel they can do whatever they want without any say so from their wife. There is such a fine line that can be easily crossed. Especially if God is not at the center of the relationship.

I hope women today will take heart. I'm hoping more and more women will be like us and want to serve their husbands as they serve the Lord. I really am happy to see more and more Christian women following this." 

The one thing you really need to keep in mind with all of this is..Is your husband submitting to God? Is he capable of leading your family in a Christian way? Do you and/or your husband have a preconceived notion about what submission is (secular vs Christian)? What is your relationship with Christ? What is your marriage, at this point, like?

As I mentioned previously, there can be such a fine line between biblical submission and abuse. That's why I asked about the preconceived notions. A lot of what we have heard on this topic lately seems to be the negative, secular connotation thanks in part to books like "50 Shades of Gray". It gives the impression that we are to be used, abused, and just "go with the flow", that our thoughts and feelings really don't matter a whit.

But then there are women like Candace Cameron Bure who have stepped into mainstream media and admitted that she has chosen to submit to her husband as it is written in the bible. When I googled "Candace Cameron Bure and biblical submission" oh my.... almost every article I came across was totally against what she was trying to say. Almost every article says she's wrong, she's reading it in the literal sense and not in 21st century interpretation, so on and so forth. This is what women today who chose this are subjected to. IMHO, I find this demeaning both as a woman and as a Christian. It makes it seem like we live in some fantasy world and are so weak-willed that we give in to our "manly" husbands who just make decisions arbitrarily and tell us we are to follow. End of story. Oh, humble readers, how wrong that is. Matthew 5:10-12 tells us we are blessed when we are persecuted:
"Blessed are those who have been persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when people insult you and persecute you, and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of Me. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward in heaven is great; for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you."

Here is a quote from blogger Sarah Bessey. This pretty much sums up the secular worlds' opinion:
"The idea that a Man is the Head of the Home has its roots in secular ancient culture, not in the Word of God or the created order of humanity. And the idea that, as a wife, I would need to “become passive” or smaller or somehow less in order to make my marriage work is damaging and wrong." (http://sarahbessey.com/disagree-bure-biblical-marriage/)

We are to make ourselves smaller or less, that we are to "become passive"? Where exactly does it say that in the bible? I found Matthew Henry's Commentary on this topic. The page goes through all of Ephesians 5, but it's worth a look: http://biblehub.com/commentaries/mhc/ephesians/5.htm

Biblehub also gave me a listing of all the passages in the bible that refer to women being submissive:
Esther 1:20; Esther 1:22; Colossians 3:18; Titus 2:5 (this passage gives a good definition of being meek); 1 Peter 3:1; Ephesians 5:22 NIV. Jamieson-Fausset-Brown Bible Commentary gives a great description of submission and what it means. I'm sure if you set about thumbing through your bible you will find even more passages on this topic. 

I will leave you, dear readers, with this final link. This goes down to the nitty-gritty, biblical, grammatical derivation of the word submission and it's interpretation. 
http://coveringandauthority.com/covering-and-apostolic-authority/difficult-questions-about-covering-and-authority/biblical-submission/

I hope I have given you some more insight into this topic. I hope you will take it to heart. Pray about it. Seek scripture about it. Let the Lord lead you to wherever it is He wants you to go.

Much Love and God Bless.

The Demon that is Mental Illness

"Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

Tonight I write to you about something that I deal with every day. Mental Illness. I have bipolar disorder with anxiety and depression. I was diagnosed after the first time I was hospitalized for wanting to kill myself back in 2006. When I talked to the psychiatrist and told him what my plan was, he said that had I went through with it, I surely would have died. Since then it's been up and down like a roller coaster. I've felt like a guinea pig with all the medications I've tried.

Although the picture above may look funny, most of those feelings are what I deal with. Today was one of "those" days. I was fighting the anxiety battle all day. My mind was running, I was nauseous, I was sweating, and all I wanted to do was go home and hide under the covers where I'd be safe. But I got up, got dressed, and went to work. I still felt that way most of the day. M vcby irritable, grouchy and mean-spirited boss didn't help matters any. I prayed, A LOT. I tried to focus on my work. I was productive and was able to clear my desk. 

Now I am home. I have eaten dinner. Played some Mah-Jong. I'm listening to some calming music. And still trying to focus. I am forcing myself to focus on just one thing at a time. 

The kind of bipolar disorder I have I don't get the manic highs. I feel "normal". I feel like I can accomplish anything. I have more energy. I have a positive outlook. I feel "alive". But those moods are rare. I haven't had an "up mood" in years. The depression has a strangle hold on me. It has stolen so much of my life. Life that I can't get back. And I know I'm missing out on life. I don't know how to "fix" it. Medications can only do so much. The rest is up to me and God. 

People think that since you are a Christian you are happy all the time. After all, we let God handle our problems every day. We're in very capable hands! But we are human. Yes, I believe in God. If it weren't for my faith I'd have no hope left in my life. I try to pray through the anxiety. I try not to lose hope when the depression drags me so far down that I can't see the light of day. And I will admit, for a short time today I wished I weren't alive. That's how my brain responds to overwhelming anxiety. My fight-or-flight reflex is death. The only one sure way out. But I know that I would do more harm than good. My daughter lost her father and grandfather in the space of a year. My husband would be broken hearted without me. My mom would probably have another nervous breakdown. But, to my brain, the instinct to escape is through death. The ultimate avoidance of problems and stress that will not go away.

Mental health is such a misunderstood disease. Yes, it's a disease. It's not something we wish to have. No, we can't just "snap out of it" (ohhh how I HATE hearing that!!) and if we just ___________ we wouldn't feel so bad. (HUGE sigh and eye roll here.) I'm not weak-willed. I'm not "nuts", "crazy" or "mental" (Ohh yet another term I DESPISE!) I have a disease that is probably inherited (I'm adopted so my whole health history is one great big surprise after another). I have learned through trial and error that it's not a real good idea for me to not be on meds. It get suicidal. My husband found that out the hard way. But bless his soul, after three years of a roller coaster ride, we are still together. And he understands me a whole lot better now than he did then. 

When I look back through the years, I see that my anxiety took root at a very early age. I was always a "nervous" child. As a teenager I was a little less "nervous". But I remember every morning getting up for school and having my stomach in knots. I knew whenever I had to do something out of my comfort zone it would make me nervous. When my mother remarried I was 11. She moved to upstate NY with her new husband and left me with my grandparents in Connecticut. I remember that at one point, the whole tug of war thing really took a toll on my psyche. I remember our neighbor telling my grandparents that I'd wind up having a nervous breakdown if that all kept up. I didn't want to leave my grandparents. I loved where I was. I had my best friend. The beach was just down the street. And I was getting old enough where I could walk into town on my own. I liked my school. I didn't want to move. I didn't even know the guy. But, I also remember overhearing my grandparents saying how they already raised one kid, they didn't need another. That I was just a burden. Don't get me wrong, my grandparents loved me. It's just that they were getting on in years and didn't need to raise another child.  

My last stint in an intensive outpatient program was only beneficial to me while I was there. I didn't have the emotional support at home to help me gain control. My first husband was psychologically abusive and emotionally distant. He had no interest in hearing about what I was learning and I really didn't have trust in him to confide things. The first time I was hospitalized, part of my therapy sessions was to have family there. The one time they tried to include my husband, they had to make him leave because it was just upsetting me. And it turns out he never told our kids where I was. He told them mommy left. I was never able to convince them where I had been even though I had the discharge papers, all the paperwork, etc. So it kind of made sense when I went through the second round why I didn't want to confide in him.

This last go-around when I started at the mental health clinic, the month before I had tried to take a handful of pills (sinus pills, but the ones that make you sleepy) but my husband stopped me. So, when they did my intake they had suggested that perhaps I should be an inpatient until I could become stable again. But I had just started a new job and my husband was out of work. We needed the money. And I didn't have insurance. I didn't need to rack up more bills. So, at my first therapy session, my therapist made me sign a "safety agreement". (It is an outline of things you can do if you feel suicidal. You make a list of people you trust whom you can talk to. You think about things that make you feel good and you enjoy doing. The number for Crisis in put on there as well as contact information for the therapist. It is quite a detailed plan.) I hung that on my fridge when I got home so that I would see it every day. I think it was at that point my husband really understood what I was dealing with. I wasn't just some crazy b***h. I had a real problem that had to be managed.  

My husband comes with me to some of my psych appointments. Sometimes he sees things going on with me that either I haven't paid attention to or have just not wanted to say anything. He dispenses and manages all my meds, so sometimes he will come with me to see my psych nurse practitioner. I may not really know if a medication is working, but he can see the difference in me when a medication is working and when it isn't. 

Right now I take 40mg of Prozac in the morning. Since my mind races at night and it's hard for me to fall asleep I take 2-50mg Vistarel caps (kind of like Benedryl), and a 50mg Amitriptyline. Amitriptyline is an old antidepressant. It makes you sleepy, sometimes. (Or, if you're like me, you need the dose you'd give an elephant to help you sleep.) I did notice an improvement in my mood after starting the Amitriptyline. The dosage on my Prozac was just raised, so it may be a while before I feel any effects. Since I have no insurance, my psych nurse has to find inexpensive medications to treat me with. Also, they won't prescribe controlled substances such as Xanax, Klonipin or Ativan. 

Oh how I've prayed to be "healed". I went to healing services. I've prayed. I've been anointed and prayed over. I've had hands laid on me in healing. Sometimes I've wondered if maybe my faith isn't strong enough to believe that God can heal me. Whatever it is, I wish it would go away. 

I used to have a dog that would be able to sense when I'd get really low. She'd sniff me when I'd come home from work and just be able to tell. And it was at those times she never left my side. I'd literally step on her because she'd be right under my feet. I couldn't even go to the bathroom alone because she'd follow me! She was the best comfort I could've ever asked for. I wish I still had her. 

I unfortunately passed this horrible disease on to 2 of my children. My son Brian spent probably 2 or 3 years of his life in his room. He dropped out of school and developed a social anxiety. But he used his time constructively. He went online and did his GED with no help from anyone. No formal studying. No classes. Just him and YouTube and whatever resources he could find. And he passed his exam with flying colors!! He is now 24 years old, engaged to a wonderful lady, is step-dad to 2 and has a newborn son. He's working on going into the Army National Guard. And he works his skinny little butt off to support his family. Oh, and if that isn't enough, once he got his life together, he worked on shedding all the weight he put on during those years. He is now 6'4" and 175lbs. (At one point he was over 300lbs!) I am so proud of him and all he's accomplished.

My daughter, however, has not faired so well. After her dad passed last year, she went into a deep depression. She stopped going to school this past February. She tried going a day here and day there, but hasn't been able to make a real effort. She would sleep all day and stay up all night. It's only been since she's been with her new boyfriend and faithfully taking her meds that we've seen a change in her. Her boyfriend is in college to become a therapist like his parents. He works as a counselor with troubled kids. And he's working with my daughter little by little. His father also brought up the fact that she probably has PTSD because of the time spent with her father when he was dying. She gets horrible flash backs, break downs, and nightmares. She says she can't remember any of the good things. Try as we might, there was nothing we could do. She didn't "want" to be fixed. She wanted to be a hermit and wallow in her depression and grief. And sometimes we need to do that. Sometimes we need to withdraw from the world for a little while until we get passed all the bad things. And maybe God needed her to go through that to have a better appreciation for living life. I do know that she's slowing climbing out of that pit. Day by day. Little by little.

I feel like I am rambling. Nothing in any particular order. But this is something I wanted to put out there. I want people to know that just because you're a Christian doesn't mean you're happy go lucky all the time. Life isn't perfect. We are human. It is just that we are blessed with perfect love from a perfect Savior. One who once walked this earth as a human and experienced much of what we go through on a daily basis. And He gave His life on that cross so that we could have life. So that we could appreciate this gift of life that He has given us.

Every once in a while I, too, will wallow in the pit of despair, of depression, and look at all the things in my life that I hate. But it takes those things to make me appreciate what I do have. I have a roof over my head, food to eat, a car to drive, a family that loves me, 2 beautiful grandsons, a husband that loves me and spoils me, and yesterday I learned that I was accepted into a college degree program through a Christian university to become a Christian counselor. For now it will be just online. When I finish my studies, I want to work with abused women. I want them to realize that there IS a way out. That there IS someone who cares. That God will see them through this and carry them on to a better life. By working through lifes' trauma's it will make you a stronger, wiser person. And to take life one day at a time. No more than that. Matthew 6:34 says "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

It is because of Him that I made it through my day today. I made it through the day despite the anxiety. Despite the stress. Despite the problems. He held me up and helped me finish my day. He got us home safely. And now I'm sitting in the recliner with my dog right next to me. My husband is sitting on the sofa next to me watching a movie. My daughter is out with her boyfriend and one of her BFF's. All is quiet. Just the way I like it.
 
It is through Him that I don't give up. It is through Him that I have hope. It is through Him that I have the ultimate therapist. He is the ultimate Physician. No one will better understand you than Jesus. How many nights have I cried myself to sleep praying to Him to make this all go away. To give me my life back. But I know that He has a grand plan for me. I am going through this valley for a reason. 

Today's Christian Woman magazine had some well-written articles on the topic of mental health this month. (I will post the link to that and several other mental health sites at the end.) And it probably better conveys what I am trying to say. But, as a fellow blogger and Christian wife told me "write about what God puts on your heart". So I am. It's also a cardinal rule among writers "write what you know". And this I know. Intimately. Better than I'd like to.

At some point we may move down to where the college is. I long for a fresh start where no one knows me. As much as I hate change and I really hate moving, I feel that the Lord is pushing me in this direction. They say be careful what you wish for... well, be careful in what you pray for. God IS listening.

"For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, “Fear not, I am the one who helps you.”  Isaiah 41:13

Blessings.
Linda

Here are those links I promised:
Today's Christian Woman "Finding God in the Depths" by Kristina Cowan 
Today's Christian Woman  "For Better and For..." by Cindy Baum
Today's Christian Woman  "Mental Illness is no Laughing Matter" by Amy Simpson
Christianity Today/her.meneutics "Christians Can't Ignore the Uncomfortable Reality of Mental Illness" by Amy Simpson
The Guardian "Talking About Mental Health 'So Much of this is Behind Closed Doors' " 
by Amanda Holpuch

If you or someone you love suffers from mental illness, there is hope and help. You are not alone in this.
National Suicide Hotline
National Alliance on Mental Illness 
FaithNet NAMI 
Crisis Service/Crisis Call Center

Morning Devotions

I didn't do yesterday's reading, so I will do both yesterday's and today's in this post.

Devotion for Sunday, 5/25/14:
The world is too much with you, My child. Your mind leaps from problem to problem to problem, tangling your thoughts in anxious knots. When  you think like that, you leave Me out of your world-view and your mind becomes darkened. Though I yearn to help, I will not violate your freedom. I stand silently in the background of your mind, waiting for you to remember that I am with you.


When you turn from your problems to My Presence, your load is immediately lighter. Circumstances may not have changed, but we carry your burdens together. Your compulsion to "fix" everything gives way to deep, satisfying connection with Me. Together we can handle whatever this day brings.

Bible verses:
Isaiah 41:10 (NIV): So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.


Zephaniah 3:17 (NIV): The LORD your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.

Psalm 34:19 (NIV): The righteous person may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all.

Devotion for Monday, 5/26/14:
In a world of unrelenting changes, I am the One who never changes. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End. Find in me the stability for which you have yearned.

I created a beautifully ordered world: one that reflected My perfection. Now, however, the world is under the bondage of sin and evil. Every person on the planet faces gaping jaws of uncertainty. The only antidote to this poisonous threat is drawing closer to Me. In My Presence you can face uncertainty with perfect peace.

Bible Verses:  
Revelation 22:13 (NIV):  I am the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End.

John 16:33 (Amp):  I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have [perfect] peace and confidence. In the world you have tribulation and trials and distress and frustration; but be of good cheer [take courage; be confident, certain, undaunted]! For I have overcome the world. [I have deprived it of power to harm you and have conquered it for you.]

 

Trial By Fire

Life is never easy. There are going to ups and downs, trials and tribulations. Benjamin Franklin summed it up in one short phrase "The only sure things we have in this life are death and taxes." However, Mr. Franklin, I beg to differ. The only sure things we have IN THIS WORLD may be death and taxes, but GOD promises us so much more. He assures us a place in heaven. He assures us that His love will never falter or change. He will always be the one constant in our lives. This He promises us!

Sometimes, though, life throws us a curve ball when we are least expecting it. It is through those times that our faith in God is tested. You start to wonder. Where is God in this whole mess? Why is He letting this happen? Let me tell you, friends, when you go through enough trials you really do start to wonder.

I began reading the Book of Job not long ago. I read it because I feel like I am Job. Trials upon trials are being heaped upon me. Sometimes I just want to sit and cry because I am so tired of the constant struggle. I am the only one working in our household. The housework is my sole responsibility. We also have my 18 year old daughter living with us. AND her survivor benefits will be running out soon (that's what helps us pay the rent). My husband doesn't seem too eager to find work even though he's been presented with multiple leads. He seems fine with me working and him staying home. I would be ok with that if I were making better money and if he took care of the housework. He does all the cooking and the grocery shopping as well as handling all the bills. So it's not like he doesn't do anything. But being the sole wage earner and knowing that once my daughters' benefits run out we won't have enough money to live on is stressful. Add to that I work for a physician who makes my life a living hell every day... And knowing that my husband really doesn't want to go to work... Ok, God. I get it. I'm being tested! But enough is enough already. I feel like I'm drowning.

My pastor decided he wanted to do a sermon series on Job. So we've been meeting up as time allows as a sort of therapy for me, to open me up to new ideas and an ability to learn. I began reading Job because in the season of my life I feel like Job. I've asked God over and over "Haven't I been through enough already Lord?" Apparently God feels as if I can handle all that I have been given. It has surely been a lesson in patience, in hope, and in faith. It is a humbling experience, to say the least.

Job kept asking God why He was doing this to him? Why was He continuing to persecute him? As far as he knew he hadn't done anything wrong. Wasn't it enough already that he lost all of his children, all of his livestock, and his health? Add to that his 3 friends who more or less kept telling him that he must have done SOMETHING wrong to deserve this punishment. If he would just repent then God would restore all that was taken. Throughout the whole story Job maintained his innocence. He stood his ground. If that were me, I would be like "Ok God, whatever it is I have done, I am sorry." Job could've done that. But he didn't.

Yup. So that's me. That's where I am at today. Enough is enough already Lord. I give up! You've had Your fun. Now I surrender.

And therein lies the key word....I SURRENDER. I acknowledge that I can neither fix this nor change it. God is the only one who can. I need to stop trying to do it my way and realize that my way isn't working. I found this interesting quote from a sermon that I found online "God will test you in order to purify you. God works in our lives to refine us and to strengthen us. God does not test us to BREAK us but to MAKE us; He refines not to DESTROY us but to DEVELOP us. Faith in Jesus does not cause difficulty to disappear. Your problems will not evaporate when you trust Jesus...God puts His people into the furnace of affliction to bring us to submission." There lies the answer. We have our faith tested for a reason. God wants us to remember to rely on Him. He makes us submit to His will. Remember the line in the Lord's Prayer "Thy WILL be done..." His will. Not ours. His. 

Sometimes, I wish it didn't have to be so hard. Everything always seems to be a struggle, and an uphill one at that. But those are the times that bring us to our knees. Those are the times when we need to look UP. 

As Christian wives, we seem to have an even greater burden. We are the backbone of our families. We are the glue that holds it all together. As the old saying goes "Behind every great man there is a woman." That's no lie. We are the constant support, the quiet force, the ones who help our husbands to shine. (although I doubt any man would admit to this!) It is said all throughout the bible that woman was made to help man. 'Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”' (Genesis 2:18) I think I shall put this one on our refrigerator: "He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord." (Proverbs 18:22) 

I know that I am the one whose had to pick up the pieces of someone elses' mess. I'm the one who is slowly gluing them back into place. It is a tiring and tedious process. One I wish I didn't have to bear. But God put me here for a reason. I have to trust in that. I pray every night for the strength to keep going. I ask God to keep me on the path that He has set before me and to walk with me. I know at some point I will look back and think of how far I have come and what I have survived and I know I will be a better, stronger person because of it. 

One of these days things WILL get better. Life won't always be this hard. (Repeat over and over till it sinks in! lol) While I am struggling through this season of my life I will thank God for the strength to keep going. To be thankful for the many blessings He has given me. And to know that He is changing me so that I will become the woman He imagined me to be. 

Blessings and Love.
Linda

Morning Devotional Saturday 5/24/14

Good morning beautiful people! As time permits, I will try and post a morning devotional to get your day off on a positive note.

I have a devotional that I read from every day called "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young. I will probably post the readings using that book, but when I'm home and more time permits, there are other devotionals that I subscribe to. I may use one or both or whatever the Lord directs me to share. I hope you will join me in this venture and start your day worshiping our Heavenly Father and His Mighty Son!

Bring Me your mind for rest and renewal. Let Me infuse My presence into your thoughts. As your mind stops racing, your body relaxes and you regain awareness of Me. This awareness is vital to your spiritual well-being; it is your lifeline, spiritually speaking.

There are actually more than four dimensions in this world where you live. In addition to the three dimensions of space and the one of time, there is the dimension of openness to My presence. This dimension transcends the others, giving you glimpses of heaven while you still reside on earth. This was part of My original design for mankind. Adam and Eve used to walk with Me in the garden, before their expulsion from Eden. I want you to walk with Me in the garden of your heart, where I have taken up permanent residence.

Bible verses for the morning:
Genesis 3:8 (NIV)
"Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the LORD God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the LORD God among the trees of the garden."

Psalm 89:15 (NIV)
"Blessed are those who have learned to acclaim you, who walk in the light of your presence, LORD."

Logos Verse of the Day:

Fear & Faith

"You call me out upon the waters,
The great unknown where feet may fail.
And there I find You in the mystery,
In oceans deep,
My faith will stand."

~~Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)

Hillsong United 

There comes a time in everyone's life when we are afraid of something. I'm not talking about things like being afraid of spiders, or thunderstorms, or anything like that. I'm talking about fear that keeps you up at night, the fear that consumes your every thought. It is Satan whispering in your ear all the negatives. It is our weakest moments that Satan rejoices, for then he can come in a wreak havoc with our thoughts.

For most of us, that fear comes in the form of fear of the unknown. Fear of the future and all the things that COULD happen, or MIGHT happen. It's the little things that, over time, will roll into one big thing. We've all been there. Some of us, like myself, are there right now. And it's an awful place to be. It is a place of darkness. Of feeling hopeless. Feeling like God has abandoned you.

Some people will tell you that if you have that kind of fear, then you are not placing your trust in Jesus Christ. That you're not fully following Christ and trusting in Him. Or that perhaps you have done something to deserve this. We see this example in the book of Job. Job doesn't understand why all these bad things have happened to him. His friends are of no help, suggesting that Job must have done SOMETHING to deserve this.

 

"Yet if you devote your heart to him
    and stretch out your hands to him,
 if you put away the sin that is in your hand
    and allow no evil to dwell in your tent,
 then, free of fault, you will lift up your face;
    you will stand firm and without fear."

(Job 11:1-15)

I know that I have scratched my head at times and wondered what did I do to deserve this? Did I not confess all my sins to God and ask for forgiveness? Is there some aspect of my life that God sees as unfavorable? Maybe it's just me, that I'm not worthy of God's good grace and mercy. There's Satan, once again poking his nose in where it don't belong. Trying to convince me that I am unworthy of God's love.

I keep thinking of Peter when Jesus called out for him to step out of the boat and walk to Him. Here's this boat, in the middle of the ocean, in the middle of a storm and Jesus is asking Peter to get out of the boat. If that had been me, I would have been like "Are you crazy!?!?" That's where faith takes over. As long as Peter kept his eyes on Jesus, he was able to walk on the water to where Jesus was. But the moment Peter averted his eyes and looked down, he began to sink. Jesus, being the awesome soul that He is, plucked Peter out of the water. 

That's what our faith does. It takes us to places that we fear, sticks us in the middle of a maelstrom where we wait patiently for Jesus to come save us. Jesus wants us to learn to rely solely on Him. When we are drowning don't we look up for help? We are raising our hand up yelling to God to save us. 

Sometimes, though, we feel like we just can't hear God. We feel as though He's forgotten us. I began reading Job on my own because I feel so much like him. Here's this man who is minding his own business. He has a good life. When all of a sudden he loses it all. And there he stands.

"What I feared has come upon me;
    what I dreaded has happened to me.
 I have no peace, no quietness;
    I have no rest, but only turmoil.” 

(Job 3:25-26)

What are we to do when our lives fall apart? How many times have we wondered why God would allow these bad things to happen? We may never find out why. It's at those times, however, that we truly need God. It is at those times that our faith is tested, just like Job. Like Job, our faith waivers. We go back and forth between blaming God and thanking God for His many blessings. When all is said and done, our faith steps in and keeps us from feeling afraid. We are reminded that, yes, God is listening and He hears all of our prayers. 

"Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, 

and I will listen to you."

Jeremiah 29:12

 Remember, the times when you are most afraid, when the future seems out of control, THAT is when you need to leave God in control. Just as Jesus pulled Peter out of the water, He will pull you out of the water. You need to take a leap of faith and trust in God's perfect timing. 

 

Time For Change

Hello lovelies! Those of you who read my blog will notice there was a title change. I've decided I want my blog to reflect what I am learning to become. It's not always the easiest of roads. I'm a stubborn person and I get irritated with my husband at times. But I am trying. And I am learning. It is a path that God has set me on. I know that my relationship with my husband is more peace-filled and less arguments take place.

Change is never easy. It has been studied that it takes 30 days to form a new habit. And I believe a lifetime to "unlearn" all the bad things we pick up over time. Yet, without change, our lives will become stagnant. We become stagnant. So, here I sit, reflecting on all my bad habits and deciding it is time for a change.

Something dawned on me late this afternoon. I may be finally learning about how this whole "godly wife thing" is supposed to work! It was a post I was responding to on a page about a woman who had just had an argument with her husband, yet again, about housework. Here's the post (I'm keeping the name out as I don't have her explicit permission to use it.) 

"Our anniversary is in 7 days.... And I'm not feeling very loving at the moment. Just had a huge fight and I'm honestly just tired of doing everything for him- even when I need rest (had a migraine and back issues and I was still doing everything for him and our son). I'm not a happy wife at the moment, and it's as though I'm supposed to do everything to keep us happy, when its a two way street and he should be trying too."  

Here was my reply: "As hard as it may seem, as wives we are called to sacrifice and service. I know it's not easy. Believe me, I've had my share of grumbling. I work full-time and my husband is out of work. He hadn't been helping a lot around the house. I felt like it was all on me. But, I am trying to be the godly wife and do the right thing. The last thing any man wants is to be nagged. Try sitting down with him and explain how you feel. Sometimes it's just a lack of communication and understanding. Maybe try telling him that when you don't feel good you'd like for him to pitch in a little. And I agree with you 100%. A happy marriage is NOT a one-way street. It takes two to make any marriage work. I hope this helps some. God bless." 

Being a "godly wife" isn't always the easiest thing. And for someone like me, who can be just as stubborn as my husband, we've butted heads over everything. After a while, fighting over stupid things that I have no control over is just a huge waste of time. And my husband, like most husbands, will eventually just tune us out. Our complaints go in one ear and out the other. It took a drastic event for things to change.

As hard as it was to pick up the pieces afterwards, it was worth it. He still doesn't help with a lot of the housework, but when he does, it's a huge relief to me. I've learned that it's ok to let things go. I am only human and can only do so much. I know that if I ask nicely, that sometimes it's easier to get him to help.

Men are not mind readers. They may see we're annoyed but have no clue as to WHAT we're annoyed about. If I'm out in the kitchen cleaning up after dinner, chances are my husband, who is on the sofa with the tv and computer on, will not going to know that I'm upset over anything. 

I'm just as much to blame. I keep everything in until it just takes one little thing to set me off. Then look out. I will go off like Vesuvius! That's not healthy. It's so much easier to just sit down and talk to my husband about the things that are bothering me and asking him to just help me out a little. After all, we both live in this house. We both make a mess. 

It's not just the housework, though. Sometimes it starts as that but the root is something deeper. I try to say my prayers at night before I lay my head down to sleep. I sit in the quiet darkness of my room and pour out my soul to our Father. Sometimes it's just a simple "Father help me." Other times it's more of a conversation. I leave my issues with God and let Him deal with them. This is not to say that I just dump all my problems on God then wake up in the morning without a care. Nope. It doesn't work that way and it's not always just that simple. But it's a start. And we all have to start somewhere. 

So, 30 days to form a new habit. Complain less. Leave it with God. Remember that my job is to serve and sometimes that involves sacrifice. No one said it would be easy. But God did promise us that it would be worth it. 

God Bless.
Linda. 

Here's a blog entry on the topic I just mentioned..nagging. Check them out.

"There's a snag in my nag"
http://www.girlfriendsingod.com/2014/theres-a-snag-in-my-nag-2/

Today’s Truth
Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife (Proverbs 21:19).