Submission God's Way

I swear, sometimes God's timing comes at the worst times. As I'm driving home, I get a sort of revelation. And this always happens. When I don't have the time to write about it. Well, I'm going to make the time because this is important. And God is prompting me to tell the WHOLE story. Not just pieces.

Let me give you some background so you can better understand where I am coming from. Many years ago, before I met my husband, I was involved with a gentleman who introduced me to a whole different lifestyle. One of Dominance and submission. I was learning about becoming a submissive and all it entailed. At that time, I felt like I had found a part of me that was missing. I am a natural born people-pleaser. I want people to like me. I want to always help. When I was a stay-at-home mom, I was pretty happy. I was doing the "mom thing" and taking care of everything. I wanted my home to be like Martha Stewart! 

So this was not a huge stretch for me. The only drawback was that he lived in New Jersey and I lived in upstate NY. He wouldn't travel to come see me. And I couldn't go down there. (I was married to my first husband at the time and neither of us were faithful to the other at that point. Yes, I know that 2 wrongs don't make a right. By that time our marriage had completely broken down.)

It takes A LOT of discipline to do something like that. We made it work for over two years through text messages and phone calls. At that point in my life, it worked for me and it worked for him. You don't have someone watching you, making sure you're doing everything you are asked to do. You are being held on your honor that you are doing what you are supposed to, that you are living within the rules that your master has set about for you. I thrived with that kind of relationship. I didn't have to think, plan, manage. Nothing. Just to obey and be good. (And if you know me, you know that for me that could be difficult at times!!)

How I had longed to be like the others who were "owned", those who were "slaves" with loving masters. I wanted to work hard so I would earn my "collar". When it all fell apart, so did I. There went my dream of being an owned and collared slave. 

However, after I met my second husband I had to choose...him or the lifestyle. How do you give up part of yourself? But here was this man who was REAL. He was with me night and day. He loved me. Obviously, in the end, I chose my husband. Looking back on that relationship, I believe that God used it as a lesson.

I asked my husband to at least TRY to learn to be a Dominant. He had the personality of one. He had all the traits I was looking for in a new master. So we tried a few times with Dominant/submissive thing, but it always ended in disaster. It ended with me being unhappy and feeling taken advantage of. What were we doing wrong?

We weren't doing anything wrong, it's just not what God had intended. At least not in that form. The bible clearly states that the woman is to be submissive to her husband. (Ephesians 5:22; Colossians 3:18; 1 Peter 3:1-22; and many others.) Aha! There was the answer! It only took me 3 long years of trial and error, of failing miserably, to finally understand what it was that God intended for me to do.

He indeed wanted me to be submissive. But to my husband. In the biblical sense. Oh boy. After all the things my husband and I had been through, I would have to trust him enough to lead me. And trust in the fact that he was being led by God. I'm not big on trust. I've been burned too many times before. It takes a HUGE leap of faith (yes, faith!) to trust someone. When we believe in God, in Jesus and the Holy Spirit, are we not called to trust? It is called faith for a reason. But it's easy to trust God. Not so with people.

Ok, so we're not quite there yet. We are still a work in progress. But it's God's work. He is slowly changing both of us to be His. And that is what's so amazing. Here I was wanting to be owned and loved and wanted and I didn't even realize that I already was all of that and more!

I am owned and loved by the Supreme Master. The Utmost Sir. Jesus Christ. I have been bought and paid for through the blood of Jesus. When He hung on that cross, all had been forgiven. He paid the ultimate price for me. Wow. What a revelation!

My husband and I are in different seasons of our walk of faith. And that's ok. The bible also says that the wife will lead by example. "Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives." (1 Peter 3:1) 

I still have my rules that I must follow. They're in this big book that I take with me. It's called The Bible. There I can find any answer, any rule, any guidance that I may need. With Jesus as my Master, I can't go wrong. He won't lead me into where I don't belong.

Yeah..where I don't belong... Satan tried that on me. He made sure he poked me and prodded me. "See what you are missing?" "See..this is what you wanted..." "You can't be happy unless you have this life." He spent the whole weekend doing that. 

Ohhh.... I am so mad! I'm mad at myself for falling into that trap. The devil always will attack at our weakest points. I've been so stressed out about all our problems that I LET myself be dragged into those thoughts. Going to work today, it got me away from those thoughts. I got back into the swing of things. I did all my devotionals, I read, I prayed. And Jesus rewarded me with this revelation. "See, My child, I have given you all you wanted and more. There are so many other ways to serve. But first you need to learn to serve Me." I can not be submissive to my husband without first submitting to Christ. He will lead me and train me to serve Him. Only then will He permit me to learn to serve my husband. 

And with that, my husband is calling...dinner is done. (He likes to do all the cooking.) So, my friends, I will leave you with this. A little slice of who I once was and who I am becoming. 

Much Love & God Bless.