Faith, Love and Submission

Good morning dear readers. I know I've written a few entries on submission, but I feel this is one of those topics that really needs to be covered. We have heard so much, both negative and positive, recently that this has become a real "hot-button" issue. I could write on this topic for days at a time. It is such a controversial topic (and anyone who knows me knows I love to get up on my soap box and argue a point!). 

I've read many well-written articles on this topic and I would like to share them here with you. I hope that after reading these, it will give you something to think about.

Here's one where just the title could spark an argument! http://www.rosilindjukic.com/2013/08/submissive-obedience.html

This post gives some insight into common myths and asks some good questions. http://www.girlsgonewise.com/7-misconceptions-about-submission/

This one is from one of my favorite magazines. It gives clear, concise information on the topic.
http://www.todayschristianwoman.com/articles/2008/september/whats-so-scary-about-submission.html

Here is my response to Rosilind Jukic's article:
"A very thought provoking blog entry. As women,we reject the notion of submission. Somehow we feel it equals doormat, "giving in", weak-willed, and any other negative connotation of that word. Yes, women fought for freedom. But how far have we taken that freedom? "I can do anything you can do, and do it better" has become the catch phrase for women. I believe this is part of the reason why our society has become so messed up. We have completely lost sight of home, family and faith. Today's women are focused on career, material possessions and looking younger. We have totally negated the role of men in our society. We have relegated them to where women were 30+ years ago. We have taken away their authority and their role as provider and protector. We need to get back to our core values. We need to redefine the roles in our society. 

It's great that women are strong and that we are empowered to do whatever we set our minds to. This is not always a bad thing. When it turns into a bad thing is when we use it to usurp men's authority over us. It's funny how you described how men are viewed today. I heard that exact same description yesterday on the radio (I listen to a Christian station..K-Love). I believe there is a new ad on tv I believe that mentions what you described and they were talking about it yesterday.

Men, in general, are being given a bad rap. Not ALL men are beer guzzling, "whipped", pot-bellied do-nothings. Just like women aren't weak, dumb, no-nothings. Or on the other end of the spectrum, men view strong women as "dykes" or someone to be afraid of. How many times have we heard men jokingly say "Don't tell my wife..." Men shouldn't be afraid of their wives, or afraid of their reactions to things (unless they really are doing something wrong/sinful/not of God).

There's nothing inherently wrong with being a strong woman. It takes a strong woman to submit herself to God and her husband. That takes strength and courage. It forces us to step out of the "norm" and go against the grain. Not an easy thing to do in this society. I don't know how many ladies I've talked to about this topic and basically got the same response. "I don't know why you want to be told what to do." or "I would NEVER submit myself to a man." or "Well, if you like that sort of thing..." Some people will even believe that it is abusive.

Yes, there can be a point when something like that CAN be abusive. Especially if the man isn't being led by God. There are men who will take advantage of a woman who is submissive. They feel they can do whatever they want without any say so from their wife. There is such a fine line that can be easily crossed. Especially if God is not at the center of the relationship.

I hope women today will take heart. I'm hoping more and more women will be like us and want to serve their husbands as they serve the Lord. I really am happy to see more and more Christian women following this." 

The one thing you really need to keep in mind with all of this is..Is your husband submitting to God? Is he capable of leading your family in a Christian way? Do you and/or your husband have a preconceived notion about what submission is (secular vs Christian)? What is your relationship with Christ? What is your marriage, at this point, like?

As I mentioned previously, there can be such a fine line between biblical submission and abuse. That's why I asked about the preconceived notions. A lot of what we have heard on this topic lately seems to be the negative, secular connotation thanks in part to books like "50 Shades of Gray". It gives the impression that we are to be used, abused, and just "go with the flow", that our thoughts and feelings really don't matter a whit.

But then there are women like Candace Cameron Bure who have stepped into mainstream media and admitted that she has chosen to submit to her husband as it is written in the bible. When I googled "Candace Cameron Bure and biblical submission" oh my.... almost every article I came across was totally against what she was trying to say. Almost every article says she's wrong, she's reading it in the literal sense and not in 21st century interpretation, so on and so forth. This is what women today who chose this are subjected to. IMHO, I find this demeaning both as a woman and as a Christian. It makes it seem like we live in some fantasy world and are so weak-willed that we give in to our "manly" husbands who just make decisions arbitrarily and tell us we are to follow. End of story. Oh, humble readers, how wrong that is. Matthew 5:10-12 tells us we are blessed when we are persecuted:
"Blessed are those who have been persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when people insult you and persecute you, and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of Me. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward in heaven is great; for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you."

Here is a quote from blogger Sarah Bessey. This pretty much sums up the secular worlds' opinion:
"The idea that a Man is the Head of the Home has its roots in secular ancient culture, not in the Word of God or the created order of humanity. And the idea that, as a wife, I would need to “become passive” or smaller or somehow less in order to make my marriage work is damaging and wrong." (http://sarahbessey.com/disagree-bure-biblical-marriage/)

We are to make ourselves smaller or less, that we are to "become passive"? Where exactly does it say that in the bible? I found Matthew Henry's Commentary on this topic. The page goes through all of Ephesians 5, but it's worth a look: http://biblehub.com/commentaries/mhc/ephesians/5.htm

Biblehub also gave me a listing of all the passages in the bible that refer to women being submissive:
Esther 1:20; Esther 1:22; Colossians 3:18; Titus 2:5 (this passage gives a good definition of being meek); 1 Peter 3:1; Ephesians 5:22 NIV. Jamieson-Fausset-Brown Bible Commentary gives a great description of submission and what it means. I'm sure if you set about thumbing through your bible you will find even more passages on this topic. 

I will leave you, dear readers, with this final link. This goes down to the nitty-gritty, biblical, grammatical derivation of the word submission and it's interpretation. 
http://coveringandauthority.com/covering-and-apostolic-authority/difficult-questions-about-covering-and-authority/biblical-submission/

I hope I have given you some more insight into this topic. I hope you will take it to heart. Pray about it. Seek scripture about it. Let the Lord lead you to wherever it is He wants you to go.

Much Love and God Bless.

Submission God's Way

I swear, sometimes God's timing comes at the worst times. As I'm driving home, I get a sort of revelation. And this always happens. When I don't have the time to write about it. Well, I'm going to make the time because this is important. And God is prompting me to tell the WHOLE story. Not just pieces.

Let me give you some background so you can better understand where I am coming from. Many years ago, before I met my husband, I was involved with a gentleman who introduced me to a whole different lifestyle. One of Dominance and submission. I was learning about becoming a submissive and all it entailed. At that time, I felt like I had found a part of me that was missing. I am a natural born people-pleaser. I want people to like me. I want to always help. When I was a stay-at-home mom, I was pretty happy. I was doing the "mom thing" and taking care of everything. I wanted my home to be like Martha Stewart! 

So this was not a huge stretch for me. The only drawback was that he lived in New Jersey and I lived in upstate NY. He wouldn't travel to come see me. And I couldn't go down there. (I was married to my first husband at the time and neither of us were faithful to the other at that point. Yes, I know that 2 wrongs don't make a right. By that time our marriage had completely broken down.)

It takes A LOT of discipline to do something like that. We made it work for over two years through text messages and phone calls. At that point in my life, it worked for me and it worked for him. You don't have someone watching you, making sure you're doing everything you are asked to do. You are being held on your honor that you are doing what you are supposed to, that you are living within the rules that your master has set about for you. I thrived with that kind of relationship. I didn't have to think, plan, manage. Nothing. Just to obey and be good. (And if you know me, you know that for me that could be difficult at times!!)

How I had longed to be like the others who were "owned", those who were "slaves" with loving masters. I wanted to work hard so I would earn my "collar". When it all fell apart, so did I. There went my dream of being an owned and collared slave. 

However, after I met my second husband I had to choose...him or the lifestyle. How do you give up part of yourself? But here was this man who was REAL. He was with me night and day. He loved me. Obviously, in the end, I chose my husband. Looking back on that relationship, I believe that God used it as a lesson.

I asked my husband to at least TRY to learn to be a Dominant. He had the personality of one. He had all the traits I was looking for in a new master. So we tried a few times with Dominant/submissive thing, but it always ended in disaster. It ended with me being unhappy and feeling taken advantage of. What were we doing wrong?

We weren't doing anything wrong, it's just not what God had intended. At least not in that form. The bible clearly states that the woman is to be submissive to her husband. (Ephesians 5:22; Colossians 3:18; 1 Peter 3:1-22; and many others.) Aha! There was the answer! It only took me 3 long years of trial and error, of failing miserably, to finally understand what it was that God intended for me to do.

He indeed wanted me to be submissive. But to my husband. In the biblical sense. Oh boy. After all the things my husband and I had been through, I would have to trust him enough to lead me. And trust in the fact that he was being led by God. I'm not big on trust. I've been burned too many times before. It takes a HUGE leap of faith (yes, faith!) to trust someone. When we believe in God, in Jesus and the Holy Spirit, are we not called to trust? It is called faith for a reason. But it's easy to trust God. Not so with people.

Ok, so we're not quite there yet. We are still a work in progress. But it's God's work. He is slowly changing both of us to be His. And that is what's so amazing. Here I was wanting to be owned and loved and wanted and I didn't even realize that I already was all of that and more!

I am owned and loved by the Supreme Master. The Utmost Sir. Jesus Christ. I have been bought and paid for through the blood of Jesus. When He hung on that cross, all had been forgiven. He paid the ultimate price for me. Wow. What a revelation!

My husband and I are in different seasons of our walk of faith. And that's ok. The bible also says that the wife will lead by example. "Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives." (1 Peter 3:1) 

I still have my rules that I must follow. They're in this big book that I take with me. It's called The Bible. There I can find any answer, any rule, any guidance that I may need. With Jesus as my Master, I can't go wrong. He won't lead me into where I don't belong.

Yeah..where I don't belong... Satan tried that on me. He made sure he poked me and prodded me. "See what you are missing?" "See..this is what you wanted..." "You can't be happy unless you have this life." He spent the whole weekend doing that. 

Ohhh.... I am so mad! I'm mad at myself for falling into that trap. The devil always will attack at our weakest points. I've been so stressed out about all our problems that I LET myself be dragged into those thoughts. Going to work today, it got me away from those thoughts. I got back into the swing of things. I did all my devotionals, I read, I prayed. And Jesus rewarded me with this revelation. "See, My child, I have given you all you wanted and more. There are so many other ways to serve. But first you need to learn to serve Me." I can not be submissive to my husband without first submitting to Christ. He will lead me and train me to serve Him. Only then will He permit me to learn to serve my husband. 

And with that, my husband is calling...dinner is done. (He likes to do all the cooking.) So, my friends, I will leave you with this. A little slice of who I once was and who I am becoming. 

Much Love & God Bless.

Good Morning Girls Week 4 "Biblical Submission"

Hello dear reader. Before I delve into our study, I want you to know that I get to write about something that is near and dear to my heart. "Biblical Submission".

Now before you go running and saying you'd NEVER submit yourself to a man, take the time to read on. It's not as bad as you think.

I don't think there's any better way of showing greater love for both Christ and your husband then through submission. One goes hand in hand with the other. Once you master the one, the other is sure to follow. So let's take a look at what the bible has to say about this topic.

Read: Ephesians 5:22-33.
SOAP: Ephesians 5:22-23; 28-29

Read:  Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
 
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.  

In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

S: 22:Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23: For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 28: In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29: After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church.

O: Ok, so what the bible is telling us women is that we should be submissive to our husbands. What exactly does that mean? It DOES NOT mean that we should just blindly follow what our husbands tell us to do without question. It DOES NOT mean that we are weak or that we are to be treated like a doormat. What it DOES mean is that our husband is the head of our relationship. We have to TRUST our husbands, just as we trust Christ. We know that Christ would never steer us wrong. We know that He would never do anything to hurt us or to put us in jeopardy. Christ loves us for us, faults and all.

Now, our husbands HAVE to rely on Jesus Christ just as much as we do, if not more so. They HAVE to listen to what God tells them because they know, just as we do, and do as God would want. 

Jesus HAS to be at the center of all this or else things could go horribly wrong. If a husband is not OF Christ and FOR Christ, then how are we to trust them? Some men see a submissive woman as an easy "target". One that can be easily taken advantage of. This could easily lead to an abusive situation, not something that Jesus would want for His children.  

When we learn to submit to Christ, it makes it easy to want to submit to our husbands. A man who submits himself to Christ shows strength and love. If he can humble himself to Christ, if he can love Christ, then he will have no problem showing that same love and strength with his wife. 


When our husbands love us and we love them in return, it feels good. It's not just a chemical reaction, but one of emotion. And when we have the capacity to love and be loved, it says a lot about us. If you don't feel good about yourself, how can you be expected to feel good about someone else?

I'm not just talking about physical beauty either. Looks will fade over time. Inner beauty-- the kind that comes from being who you are, will show through. Feed your body with good things...peace, love, Christ Jesus, your husband. These things will show outwardly. As a friend of mine at church mentioned tonight, when she was at peace with the love of Jesus, her whole outward appearance changed. People noticed. Kind of like that "pregnancy glow". Only this is the "Jesus loves me" glow. 

When all of these elements come together, love, trust, respect, submission will come easy. Let your husband lead. If he is leading according to God's plan, you will know. And you will see how your marriage will flourish. As my husband always says, there can only be one leader. If both of you try to be the leader you will bang heads and cause strife. Only one can be in charge. That One should be Christ, then your husband. 



A: I need to learn to let my husband lead. But first I have to be sure that he is leading the way God intended. We have been down that road many times without a good ending. My husband is quite the dominant type. He wants to be "the man" in the relationship. Well that takes work and trust. These things don't just happen overnight. But the more he submits to Christ Jesus, the easier it will be for me to trust him to lead me in the right direction and the easier it will be for me to submit to him.

I also have to learn to trust God. I still end things with "I hope so". There was a lady at church last week who told me some things that she knows that God will help me with. My response was "oh, I hope so." That doesn't show much trust or faith in God for me. So, as my trust and faith in God grows, the easier it will be for me to submit to Him. Which, in turn, will make it easier for me to WANT to submit to my husband. 

P: Heavenly Father, I pray that my husband will continue to follow you, to want to do the right things that are pleasing to You. I pray that You will help him grow in his faith and his willingness to lead our family the way You designed it to be. I pray that You will help me to trust You more and to trust my husband more. I pray You wipe away all doubt out of my heart and replace it with Your love. I know that as all this comes together, You will help lead me and my husband in the direction that You have planned for us. I pray that other couples will learn the same thing and that their marriages will flourish as this happens. Bless all of us, O Lord, with Your love and make our submission to You the beautiful gift that it is. Amen.