Submission God's Way

I swear, sometimes God's timing comes at the worst times. As I'm driving home, I get a sort of revelation. And this always happens. When I don't have the time to write about it. Well, I'm going to make the time because this is important. And God is prompting me to tell the WHOLE story. Not just pieces.

Let me give you some background so you can better understand where I am coming from. Many years ago, before I met my husband, I was involved with a gentleman who introduced me to a whole different lifestyle. One of Dominance and submission. I was learning about becoming a submissive and all it entailed. At that time, I felt like I had found a part of me that was missing. I am a natural born people-pleaser. I want people to like me. I want to always help. When I was a stay-at-home mom, I was pretty happy. I was doing the "mom thing" and taking care of everything. I wanted my home to be like Martha Stewart! 

So this was not a huge stretch for me. The only drawback was that he lived in New Jersey and I lived in upstate NY. He wouldn't travel to come see me. And I couldn't go down there. (I was married to my first husband at the time and neither of us were faithful to the other at that point. Yes, I know that 2 wrongs don't make a right. By that time our marriage had completely broken down.)

It takes A LOT of discipline to do something like that. We made it work for over two years through text messages and phone calls. At that point in my life, it worked for me and it worked for him. You don't have someone watching you, making sure you're doing everything you are asked to do. You are being held on your honor that you are doing what you are supposed to, that you are living within the rules that your master has set about for you. I thrived with that kind of relationship. I didn't have to think, plan, manage. Nothing. Just to obey and be good. (And if you know me, you know that for me that could be difficult at times!!)

How I had longed to be like the others who were "owned", those who were "slaves" with loving masters. I wanted to work hard so I would earn my "collar". When it all fell apart, so did I. There went my dream of being an owned and collared slave. 

However, after I met my second husband I had to choose...him or the lifestyle. How do you give up part of yourself? But here was this man who was REAL. He was with me night and day. He loved me. Obviously, in the end, I chose my husband. Looking back on that relationship, I believe that God used it as a lesson.

I asked my husband to at least TRY to learn to be a Dominant. He had the personality of one. He had all the traits I was looking for in a new master. So we tried a few times with Dominant/submissive thing, but it always ended in disaster. It ended with me being unhappy and feeling taken advantage of. What were we doing wrong?

We weren't doing anything wrong, it's just not what God had intended. At least not in that form. The bible clearly states that the woman is to be submissive to her husband. (Ephesians 5:22; Colossians 3:18; 1 Peter 3:1-22; and many others.) Aha! There was the answer! It only took me 3 long years of trial and error, of failing miserably, to finally understand what it was that God intended for me to do.

He indeed wanted me to be submissive. But to my husband. In the biblical sense. Oh boy. After all the things my husband and I had been through, I would have to trust him enough to lead me. And trust in the fact that he was being led by God. I'm not big on trust. I've been burned too many times before. It takes a HUGE leap of faith (yes, faith!) to trust someone. When we believe in God, in Jesus and the Holy Spirit, are we not called to trust? It is called faith for a reason. But it's easy to trust God. Not so with people.

Ok, so we're not quite there yet. We are still a work in progress. But it's God's work. He is slowly changing both of us to be His. And that is what's so amazing. Here I was wanting to be owned and loved and wanted and I didn't even realize that I already was all of that and more!

I am owned and loved by the Supreme Master. The Utmost Sir. Jesus Christ. I have been bought and paid for through the blood of Jesus. When He hung on that cross, all had been forgiven. He paid the ultimate price for me. Wow. What a revelation!

My husband and I are in different seasons of our walk of faith. And that's ok. The bible also says that the wife will lead by example. "Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives." (1 Peter 3:1) 

I still have my rules that I must follow. They're in this big book that I take with me. It's called The Bible. There I can find any answer, any rule, any guidance that I may need. With Jesus as my Master, I can't go wrong. He won't lead me into where I don't belong.

Yeah..where I don't belong... Satan tried that on me. He made sure he poked me and prodded me. "See what you are missing?" "See..this is what you wanted..." "You can't be happy unless you have this life." He spent the whole weekend doing that. 

Ohhh.... I am so mad! I'm mad at myself for falling into that trap. The devil always will attack at our weakest points. I've been so stressed out about all our problems that I LET myself be dragged into those thoughts. Going to work today, it got me away from those thoughts. I got back into the swing of things. I did all my devotionals, I read, I prayed. And Jesus rewarded me with this revelation. "See, My child, I have given you all you wanted and more. There are so many other ways to serve. But first you need to learn to serve Me." I can not be submissive to my husband without first submitting to Christ. He will lead me and train me to serve Him. Only then will He permit me to learn to serve my husband. 

And with that, my husband is calling...dinner is done. (He likes to do all the cooking.) So, my friends, I will leave you with this. A little slice of who I once was and who I am becoming. 

Much Love & God Bless.

In The Silent Stillness of a Saturday Morning

Good Morning Lovelies! Today it almost feels like summer, complete with sun, breeze and a ton of humidity. All winter long I longed for the warmth of spring and summer. Well I have it. Ugh. I can really do without the humidity. 

I sit here in the recliner with my dog draped over my legs, a cup of coffee by my side and I reflect upon the week I've had. Saturday's are MY day. I work all week and my husband tries to leave Saturday's as my day to do what I want. I try to wrap up any household chores on Friday night after dinner. It doesn't always happen that way. And some times we have commitments on Saturdays. But today is all quiet. My daughter and her best friend are on their way to welcome home a friend from Afghanistan. There's nothing that can't wait to be done. Hubby is watching "This Old House" on PBS in between dozing off.

I have been browsing Facebook and the many good pages it has for Christians. They are there if you look for them. I also googled the term "Christian Wives" to see where it would lead me. I found some interesting sites and blogs. 

You see, I have set about to "clean up my act" so to speak. It's time to put me aside in favor of putting Jesus and my husband at the top of my list. I believe that Jesus is calling me to a higher purpose. I have been working with my pastor on a sermon series on the Book of Job. I began reading Job on my own because I really identified with him. I feel like Job's female counterpart. He had all these trials heaped upon him for no good reason. How many times have I wondered why God is letting me struggle as hard as I am. I try to be good. I go to church. I pray. I study the bible. I am trying to be a godly woman. So why am I struggling? What have I done that I have not repented for? 

Those are the same queries that Job's friends asked of him. Surely you must have done SOMETHING to deserve this. If you just fess up and ask for God's forgiveness life will go back to being good. But Job hadn't done anything. He obeyed all of God's laws. It even says in Job 1:1 that Job was an upright, God-fearing man. He shunned evil. So what happened?!

That's the same thing I keep asking myself over and over. Lord, what have I done? Sometimes God lets us go through the bad times for a reason. How else can we learn to appreciate the good times in life? Job also waffled back and forth between blaming God and thanking God. I've done that too. I've had times I didn't want to hear anything about God. He's doing this to me. I am suffering. 

My pastor posed this question to me "Who is really suffering?" Gee, thanks Andy. Make my tiny little brain work overtime! lol But isn't that the reason we study the bible? To learn. To grow. To find the answers we seek? To see that there were others who have come before us who had suffered much greater hardships and God saw them through all of it. 

I've went through crises in my life that I would not have been able to withstand without my faith in God. There is a line in a song by Casting Crowns that says "I wasn't holding on to you, but you were holding on to me" (Praise You In This Storm). How true. Jesus wasn't willing to let me fall. He took that fall for me. What a gift. Who am I to complain when He withstood crucifixion? He, too, did nothing wrong. But He suffered anyway. So maybe it's not me. It's just life. 

We live in a world that doesn't want us talking about God or faith. No wonder it's so hard to just keep going. Satan is alive and well in our world. He is why it's so hard. He keeps throwing bombs at us and tries to break us. It's up to us to not let him win. We are children of the Lord! We need to fight against the earthly world and live as Jesus commanded. "As I have loved you, so must you love one another." (John 15:12) When Jesus hung on the cross He prayed to His Father "Father forgive them for they know not what they do." (Luke 23:34)

I have been praying, a lot. And I have been getting my answer. In scripture verses, in daily devotionals, in faith-based posts. He keeps telling me to not worry. That He has my back. He isn't making me suffer. He is holding on to me THROUGH my suffering. My faith is once again being tested. How much will it take to separate me from Jesus? Satan really wants to get that foothold on me. The enemy strikes when we are at our weakest. 

When you feel at the end of your rope, keep holding on. Jesus will see you through it. You may not think so. You may feel like you're fighting a losing battle. You may want to give up. DON'T!! That's what Satan wants. Fight him off by praying. Fight him off by holding on to Jesus. Cry out to our Father. He's right there. He's not going to let you fall into the hands of the enemy. Let your trials strengthen you. Let your trials deepen your faith. Let your trials pull you closer to Jesus. Take everything one step at a time. One day at a time. Sometimes one hour at a time. And you will emerge from it all stronger, wiser, and better for having gone through it.