Faith, Love and Submission

Good morning dear readers. I know I've written a few entries on submission, but I feel this is one of those topics that really needs to be covered. We have heard so much, both negative and positive, recently that this has become a real "hot-button" issue. I could write on this topic for days at a time. It is such a controversial topic (and anyone who knows me knows I love to get up on my soap box and argue a point!). 

I've read many well-written articles on this topic and I would like to share them here with you. I hope that after reading these, it will give you something to think about.

Here's one where just the title could spark an argument! http://www.rosilindjukic.com/2013/08/submissive-obedience.html

This post gives some insight into common myths and asks some good questions. http://www.girlsgonewise.com/7-misconceptions-about-submission/

This one is from one of my favorite magazines. It gives clear, concise information on the topic.
http://www.todayschristianwoman.com/articles/2008/september/whats-so-scary-about-submission.html

Here is my response to Rosilind Jukic's article:
"A very thought provoking blog entry. As women,we reject the notion of submission. Somehow we feel it equals doormat, "giving in", weak-willed, and any other negative connotation of that word. Yes, women fought for freedom. But how far have we taken that freedom? "I can do anything you can do, and do it better" has become the catch phrase for women. I believe this is part of the reason why our society has become so messed up. We have completely lost sight of home, family and faith. Today's women are focused on career, material possessions and looking younger. We have totally negated the role of men in our society. We have relegated them to where women were 30+ years ago. We have taken away their authority and their role as provider and protector. We need to get back to our core values. We need to redefine the roles in our society. 

It's great that women are strong and that we are empowered to do whatever we set our minds to. This is not always a bad thing. When it turns into a bad thing is when we use it to usurp men's authority over us. It's funny how you described how men are viewed today. I heard that exact same description yesterday on the radio (I listen to a Christian station..K-Love). I believe there is a new ad on tv I believe that mentions what you described and they were talking about it yesterday.

Men, in general, are being given a bad rap. Not ALL men are beer guzzling, "whipped", pot-bellied do-nothings. Just like women aren't weak, dumb, no-nothings. Or on the other end of the spectrum, men view strong women as "dykes" or someone to be afraid of. How many times have we heard men jokingly say "Don't tell my wife..." Men shouldn't be afraid of their wives, or afraid of their reactions to things (unless they really are doing something wrong/sinful/not of God).

There's nothing inherently wrong with being a strong woman. It takes a strong woman to submit herself to God and her husband. That takes strength and courage. It forces us to step out of the "norm" and go against the grain. Not an easy thing to do in this society. I don't know how many ladies I've talked to about this topic and basically got the same response. "I don't know why you want to be told what to do." or "I would NEVER submit myself to a man." or "Well, if you like that sort of thing..." Some people will even believe that it is abusive.

Yes, there can be a point when something like that CAN be abusive. Especially if the man isn't being led by God. There are men who will take advantage of a woman who is submissive. They feel they can do whatever they want without any say so from their wife. There is such a fine line that can be easily crossed. Especially if God is not at the center of the relationship.

I hope women today will take heart. I'm hoping more and more women will be like us and want to serve their husbands as they serve the Lord. I really am happy to see more and more Christian women following this." 

The one thing you really need to keep in mind with all of this is..Is your husband submitting to God? Is he capable of leading your family in a Christian way? Do you and/or your husband have a preconceived notion about what submission is (secular vs Christian)? What is your relationship with Christ? What is your marriage, at this point, like?

As I mentioned previously, there can be such a fine line between biblical submission and abuse. That's why I asked about the preconceived notions. A lot of what we have heard on this topic lately seems to be the negative, secular connotation thanks in part to books like "50 Shades of Gray". It gives the impression that we are to be used, abused, and just "go with the flow", that our thoughts and feelings really don't matter a whit.

But then there are women like Candace Cameron Bure who have stepped into mainstream media and admitted that she has chosen to submit to her husband as it is written in the bible. When I googled "Candace Cameron Bure and biblical submission" oh my.... almost every article I came across was totally against what she was trying to say. Almost every article says she's wrong, she's reading it in the literal sense and not in 21st century interpretation, so on and so forth. This is what women today who chose this are subjected to. IMHO, I find this demeaning both as a woman and as a Christian. It makes it seem like we live in some fantasy world and are so weak-willed that we give in to our "manly" husbands who just make decisions arbitrarily and tell us we are to follow. End of story. Oh, humble readers, how wrong that is. Matthew 5:10-12 tells us we are blessed when we are persecuted:
"Blessed are those who have been persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when people insult you and persecute you, and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of Me. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward in heaven is great; for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you."

Here is a quote from blogger Sarah Bessey. This pretty much sums up the secular worlds' opinion:
"The idea that a Man is the Head of the Home has its roots in secular ancient culture, not in the Word of God or the created order of humanity. And the idea that, as a wife, I would need to “become passive” or smaller or somehow less in order to make my marriage work is damaging and wrong." (http://sarahbessey.com/disagree-bure-biblical-marriage/)

We are to make ourselves smaller or less, that we are to "become passive"? Where exactly does it say that in the bible? I found Matthew Henry's Commentary on this topic. The page goes through all of Ephesians 5, but it's worth a look: http://biblehub.com/commentaries/mhc/ephesians/5.htm

Biblehub also gave me a listing of all the passages in the bible that refer to women being submissive:
Esther 1:20; Esther 1:22; Colossians 3:18; Titus 2:5 (this passage gives a good definition of being meek); 1 Peter 3:1; Ephesians 5:22 NIV. Jamieson-Fausset-Brown Bible Commentary gives a great description of submission and what it means. I'm sure if you set about thumbing through your bible you will find even more passages on this topic. 

I will leave you, dear readers, with this final link. This goes down to the nitty-gritty, biblical, grammatical derivation of the word submission and it's interpretation. 
http://coveringandauthority.com/covering-and-apostolic-authority/difficult-questions-about-covering-and-authority/biblical-submission/

I hope I have given you some more insight into this topic. I hope you will take it to heart. Pray about it. Seek scripture about it. Let the Lord lead you to wherever it is He wants you to go.

Much Love and God Bless.

The Demon that is Mental Illness

"Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

Tonight I write to you about something that I deal with every day. Mental Illness. I have bipolar disorder with anxiety and depression. I was diagnosed after the first time I was hospitalized for wanting to kill myself back in 2006. When I talked to the psychiatrist and told him what my plan was, he said that had I went through with it, I surely would have died. Since then it's been up and down like a roller coaster. I've felt like a guinea pig with all the medications I've tried.

Although the picture above may look funny, most of those feelings are what I deal with. Today was one of "those" days. I was fighting the anxiety battle all day. My mind was running, I was nauseous, I was sweating, and all I wanted to do was go home and hide under the covers where I'd be safe. But I got up, got dressed, and went to work. I still felt that way most of the day. M vcby irritable, grouchy and mean-spirited boss didn't help matters any. I prayed, A LOT. I tried to focus on my work. I was productive and was able to clear my desk. 

Now I am home. I have eaten dinner. Played some Mah-Jong. I'm listening to some calming music. And still trying to focus. I am forcing myself to focus on just one thing at a time. 

The kind of bipolar disorder I have I don't get the manic highs. I feel "normal". I feel like I can accomplish anything. I have more energy. I have a positive outlook. I feel "alive". But those moods are rare. I haven't had an "up mood" in years. The depression has a strangle hold on me. It has stolen so much of my life. Life that I can't get back. And I know I'm missing out on life. I don't know how to "fix" it. Medications can only do so much. The rest is up to me and God. 

People think that since you are a Christian you are happy all the time. After all, we let God handle our problems every day. We're in very capable hands! But we are human. Yes, I believe in God. If it weren't for my faith I'd have no hope left in my life. I try to pray through the anxiety. I try not to lose hope when the depression drags me so far down that I can't see the light of day. And I will admit, for a short time today I wished I weren't alive. That's how my brain responds to overwhelming anxiety. My fight-or-flight reflex is death. The only one sure way out. But I know that I would do more harm than good. My daughter lost her father and grandfather in the space of a year. My husband would be broken hearted without me. My mom would probably have another nervous breakdown. But, to my brain, the instinct to escape is through death. The ultimate avoidance of problems and stress that will not go away.

Mental health is such a misunderstood disease. Yes, it's a disease. It's not something we wish to have. No, we can't just "snap out of it" (ohhh how I HATE hearing that!!) and if we just ___________ we wouldn't feel so bad. (HUGE sigh and eye roll here.) I'm not weak-willed. I'm not "nuts", "crazy" or "mental" (Ohh yet another term I DESPISE!) I have a disease that is probably inherited (I'm adopted so my whole health history is one great big surprise after another). I have learned through trial and error that it's not a real good idea for me to not be on meds. It get suicidal. My husband found that out the hard way. But bless his soul, after three years of a roller coaster ride, we are still together. And he understands me a whole lot better now than he did then. 

When I look back through the years, I see that my anxiety took root at a very early age. I was always a "nervous" child. As a teenager I was a little less "nervous". But I remember every morning getting up for school and having my stomach in knots. I knew whenever I had to do something out of my comfort zone it would make me nervous. When my mother remarried I was 11. She moved to upstate NY with her new husband and left me with my grandparents in Connecticut. I remember that at one point, the whole tug of war thing really took a toll on my psyche. I remember our neighbor telling my grandparents that I'd wind up having a nervous breakdown if that all kept up. I didn't want to leave my grandparents. I loved where I was. I had my best friend. The beach was just down the street. And I was getting old enough where I could walk into town on my own. I liked my school. I didn't want to move. I didn't even know the guy. But, I also remember overhearing my grandparents saying how they already raised one kid, they didn't need another. That I was just a burden. Don't get me wrong, my grandparents loved me. It's just that they were getting on in years and didn't need to raise another child.  

My last stint in an intensive outpatient program was only beneficial to me while I was there. I didn't have the emotional support at home to help me gain control. My first husband was psychologically abusive and emotionally distant. He had no interest in hearing about what I was learning and I really didn't have trust in him to confide things. The first time I was hospitalized, part of my therapy sessions was to have family there. The one time they tried to include my husband, they had to make him leave because it was just upsetting me. And it turns out he never told our kids where I was. He told them mommy left. I was never able to convince them where I had been even though I had the discharge papers, all the paperwork, etc. So it kind of made sense when I went through the second round why I didn't want to confide in him.

This last go-around when I started at the mental health clinic, the month before I had tried to take a handful of pills (sinus pills, but the ones that make you sleepy) but my husband stopped me. So, when they did my intake they had suggested that perhaps I should be an inpatient until I could become stable again. But I had just started a new job and my husband was out of work. We needed the money. And I didn't have insurance. I didn't need to rack up more bills. So, at my first therapy session, my therapist made me sign a "safety agreement". (It is an outline of things you can do if you feel suicidal. You make a list of people you trust whom you can talk to. You think about things that make you feel good and you enjoy doing. The number for Crisis in put on there as well as contact information for the therapist. It is quite a detailed plan.) I hung that on my fridge when I got home so that I would see it every day. I think it was at that point my husband really understood what I was dealing with. I wasn't just some crazy b***h. I had a real problem that had to be managed.  

My husband comes with me to some of my psych appointments. Sometimes he sees things going on with me that either I haven't paid attention to or have just not wanted to say anything. He dispenses and manages all my meds, so sometimes he will come with me to see my psych nurse practitioner. I may not really know if a medication is working, but he can see the difference in me when a medication is working and when it isn't. 

Right now I take 40mg of Prozac in the morning. Since my mind races at night and it's hard for me to fall asleep I take 2-50mg Vistarel caps (kind of like Benedryl), and a 50mg Amitriptyline. Amitriptyline is an old antidepressant. It makes you sleepy, sometimes. (Or, if you're like me, you need the dose you'd give an elephant to help you sleep.) I did notice an improvement in my mood after starting the Amitriptyline. The dosage on my Prozac was just raised, so it may be a while before I feel any effects. Since I have no insurance, my psych nurse has to find inexpensive medications to treat me with. Also, they won't prescribe controlled substances such as Xanax, Klonipin or Ativan. 

Oh how I've prayed to be "healed". I went to healing services. I've prayed. I've been anointed and prayed over. I've had hands laid on me in healing. Sometimes I've wondered if maybe my faith isn't strong enough to believe that God can heal me. Whatever it is, I wish it would go away. 

I used to have a dog that would be able to sense when I'd get really low. She'd sniff me when I'd come home from work and just be able to tell. And it was at those times she never left my side. I'd literally step on her because she'd be right under my feet. I couldn't even go to the bathroom alone because she'd follow me! She was the best comfort I could've ever asked for. I wish I still had her. 

I unfortunately passed this horrible disease on to 2 of my children. My son Brian spent probably 2 or 3 years of his life in his room. He dropped out of school and developed a social anxiety. But he used his time constructively. He went online and did his GED with no help from anyone. No formal studying. No classes. Just him and YouTube and whatever resources he could find. And he passed his exam with flying colors!! He is now 24 years old, engaged to a wonderful lady, is step-dad to 2 and has a newborn son. He's working on going into the Army National Guard. And he works his skinny little butt off to support his family. Oh, and if that isn't enough, once he got his life together, he worked on shedding all the weight he put on during those years. He is now 6'4" and 175lbs. (At one point he was over 300lbs!) I am so proud of him and all he's accomplished.

My daughter, however, has not faired so well. After her dad passed last year, she went into a deep depression. She stopped going to school this past February. She tried going a day here and day there, but hasn't been able to make a real effort. She would sleep all day and stay up all night. It's only been since she's been with her new boyfriend and faithfully taking her meds that we've seen a change in her. Her boyfriend is in college to become a therapist like his parents. He works as a counselor with troubled kids. And he's working with my daughter little by little. His father also brought up the fact that she probably has PTSD because of the time spent with her father when he was dying. She gets horrible flash backs, break downs, and nightmares. She says she can't remember any of the good things. Try as we might, there was nothing we could do. She didn't "want" to be fixed. She wanted to be a hermit and wallow in her depression and grief. And sometimes we need to do that. Sometimes we need to withdraw from the world for a little while until we get passed all the bad things. And maybe God needed her to go through that to have a better appreciation for living life. I do know that she's slowing climbing out of that pit. Day by day. Little by little.

I feel like I am rambling. Nothing in any particular order. But this is something I wanted to put out there. I want people to know that just because you're a Christian doesn't mean you're happy go lucky all the time. Life isn't perfect. We are human. It is just that we are blessed with perfect love from a perfect Savior. One who once walked this earth as a human and experienced much of what we go through on a daily basis. And He gave His life on that cross so that we could have life. So that we could appreciate this gift of life that He has given us.

Every once in a while I, too, will wallow in the pit of despair, of depression, and look at all the things in my life that I hate. But it takes those things to make me appreciate what I do have. I have a roof over my head, food to eat, a car to drive, a family that loves me, 2 beautiful grandsons, a husband that loves me and spoils me, and yesterday I learned that I was accepted into a college degree program through a Christian university to become a Christian counselor. For now it will be just online. When I finish my studies, I want to work with abused women. I want them to realize that there IS a way out. That there IS someone who cares. That God will see them through this and carry them on to a better life. By working through lifes' trauma's it will make you a stronger, wiser person. And to take life one day at a time. No more than that. Matthew 6:34 says "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

It is because of Him that I made it through my day today. I made it through the day despite the anxiety. Despite the stress. Despite the problems. He held me up and helped me finish my day. He got us home safely. And now I'm sitting in the recliner with my dog right next to me. My husband is sitting on the sofa next to me watching a movie. My daughter is out with her boyfriend and one of her BFF's. All is quiet. Just the way I like it.
 
It is through Him that I don't give up. It is through Him that I have hope. It is through Him that I have the ultimate therapist. He is the ultimate Physician. No one will better understand you than Jesus. How many nights have I cried myself to sleep praying to Him to make this all go away. To give me my life back. But I know that He has a grand plan for me. I am going through this valley for a reason. 

Today's Christian Woman magazine had some well-written articles on the topic of mental health this month. (I will post the link to that and several other mental health sites at the end.) And it probably better conveys what I am trying to say. But, as a fellow blogger and Christian wife told me "write about what God puts on your heart". So I am. It's also a cardinal rule among writers "write what you know". And this I know. Intimately. Better than I'd like to.

At some point we may move down to where the college is. I long for a fresh start where no one knows me. As much as I hate change and I really hate moving, I feel that the Lord is pushing me in this direction. They say be careful what you wish for... well, be careful in what you pray for. God IS listening.

"For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, “Fear not, I am the one who helps you.”  Isaiah 41:13

Blessings.
Linda

Here are those links I promised:
Today's Christian Woman "Finding God in the Depths" by Kristina Cowan 
Today's Christian Woman  "For Better and For..." by Cindy Baum
Today's Christian Woman  "Mental Illness is no Laughing Matter" by Amy Simpson
Christianity Today/her.meneutics "Christians Can't Ignore the Uncomfortable Reality of Mental Illness" by Amy Simpson
The Guardian "Talking About Mental Health 'So Much of this is Behind Closed Doors' " 
by Amanda Holpuch

If you or someone you love suffers from mental illness, there is hope and help. You are not alone in this.
National Suicide Hotline
National Alliance on Mental Illness 
FaithNet NAMI 
Crisis Service/Crisis Call Center

Good Morning Girls Ephesians 5:15-21 "Plan Be"

Week 1, Thursday 1/23/14
Read: Ephesians 5:15-21
SOAP: Ephesians 5:15-16 

Ephesians 5:15-21
Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit, addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart,  giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ,  submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.

S: Ephesians 5:15-16  Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.



O: Have you ever heard the saying "Idle hands are the devils playthings"? Or "Idle time is the devils playground"? These are old sayings meaning that if you don't have things to do to fill your time you could get yourself into trouble. I'm sure many of us are guilty of that at one time or another. How many times have you said "It seemed like a good idea at the time!"? You have to be careful how you spend your free time. Are you doing good or are you just looking for trouble? Is what you're doing acceptable in the eyes of God? 

Our church is finding ways to keep us busy this winter. We just had a game day where everyone brought their favorite game and snacks. Soon they will be doing Zumba. Then we'll have another game day. We may even have a movie day. These are all wonderful pursuits. They give us a chance for fellowship and enjoyment without falling into the devils trap of boredom and "well, it seemed like a good idea at the time". 

Even if you don't have church activities to pursue, find other ways to spend your time meaningfully. Volunteer somewhere. Spend more time in the Word. Have a family day. Disconnect from the outside world for a while. Mentor a child. There are so many ways to spend free time without getting into trouble, so to speak. 

The idle times in winter are also a breeding ground for Satan. January is known for its' high rate of suicide. It's because the holidays are over. It's cold. There's not much sun. It snows. The skies seem perpetually gray. (Well, it is if you live in the northern tier of the United States like I do.) Spring seems so far away. Winter and the cold seem interminable. We just had 10" of snow and now we're looking at a few more "minor" accumulations over the coming week. It has also gotten bitterly cold. It's hard to focus your mind on the positive during these times. But you HAVE to or else Satan will sneak right in without you even realizing it. 

A: I need to find more constructive ways to spend my time. Catching up on my bible studies and blog seems to have filled that "spare" time.  If it weren't so cold out I'd probably even try to venture outside with my dog and my camera. I'm glad I have my church because it gives me something to do. Wednesday nights we have a small group bible study (and when I say small group, I mean SMALL GROUP!! There's maybe 6 of us!) Sunday after services we have snack time. We all gather downstairs to chat and eat. (Seems like everything we do in our church involves food! lol)

I need to chase Satan away as he invades my thoughts with negativity. I am Bipolar with depression/anxiety/Seasonal Affective Disorder. So winters are especially hard for me. And trust me, Satan has been hard at work on my brain. I need to fight him off as hard as I can! Any endeavor into something positive keeps old Mr. Satan away. :)

P: Lord, I pray to You as this winter drags on to help me resist Satan's attack. I need to hear Your voice above all that Satan is whispering in my ear. Give me the strength to not give up and give in to this depression. I pray that others who are afflicted with any form of mental illness find peace and strength within Your loving arms. Keep us safe and out of harms way until we can once again see the sun rise on warmer days. Amen.